Wednesday, December 31, 2014

And just like that

The year is over!

Before we get into all our hopes and dreams for 2015, lets talk about my bday and Christmas.

My BirthMas was interesting. I got to go to my fave restaurant, went all over downtown Atlanta, and had lots of food and fun for Christmas. Not to mention the presents lol.

The one downside was that I didnt
make it home for the holidays. My first Christmas ever without my parents. Boy was i emotional. But i made it through. With only a few tears.

I hope u all had an awesome holiday and you all have an amazing 2015 ahead of you!

#besos

Thursday, December 25, 2014

Have yourself a merry little christmas

I dont know the rest of the words to the song but you get what im trying to say!

I hope you all have a fabulous holiday. To those of you traveling: ije oma!

Sidenote: while i still have that blah feeling, i gotta admit despite having to be at work all day, my bday was pretty damn awesome :) Lets see if Christmas turns out just as awesome *fingers crossed*

Thursday, December 11, 2014

I feel so...blah!

My birthday is in a couple of days. Christmas is 2 weeks away. And of course the new year is a week after that. And im not excited for any of it.
For a while i was. But its all fizzled away now. I wish i could get that feeling of excitement back but i dont think its gonna happen.
*deep sigh*
We'll just have to wait and see, i guess.

Friday, December 5, 2014

Why...oh why

Why did i volunteer to work tomorrow? I KNEW i didnt really want to as soon as i was asked. in less than 12hrs i will be rushing back out of this house and busting my hump all day.

Why am i doing this? I'd like to say because im nice and doing a colleague a favor. But the real answer is POVERTY! LOL. Nobody wants to be broke around the holidays.

Monday, December 1, 2014

Its the first of the month

It is December 1st. Last month of 2014. Only 2 weeks til my bday. 3 1/2 weeks to Christmas. 4 1/2 weeks to 2015! As is customary, i have to say: where did 2014 go? Seems like a minute ago it was july. And a few days before that it was february. Time just keeps on zooming by. Anyone working on any New Years Resolutions yet?

Monday, November 24, 2014

Still not surprised

So the grand jury has decided not to indict Darren Wilson. Not surprised in the least. Im not even sure i feel anything anymore. Unarmed black men (and women and children) being gunned down by the police and any other gun-totting vigilante has pretty much become a daily occurrence in this Amerikkka.

Seems like a longshot that this world is ever gonna wake up and realize #blacklivesmatter

Sunday, November 2, 2014

Hanging with Jay and Bey

So, in my 20 random things post, i mentioned having a pair of socks with jayz and beyonce on them. I finally wore them...they do NOT fit lol. Too big on my feet, too tight on my calves. #cantwin
Here they go:

Monday, October 27, 2014

Mothers and their sons

Recently i was speaking with a woman who has all boys. In a nutshell she basically said that she doesnt really care about the choices her sons make with the women in their lives (i.e. if the women are right for them, if her sons are good to these women, etc). She went on to say that maybe if she had daughters, she would have that concern but since she doesnt blah blah blah.
Now, i dont mean any disrespect to her...and since i dont have any kids myself, i cant really say for sure buuuuuuut...
I feel like if my sons were scumbags, i'd feel like a failure as a mother/woman. I mean...obviously your kids are gonna go the way they choose to go but dang. I would hope that if i didnt teach them anything else that i at least taught them how to be decent men/human beings.
I see similar nonsense with a lot of the young mothers i've seen. Always going on and on about these "fast ass girls" and keeping them away from their precious sons. I cant help but chuckle to myself and say considering the fact that you have this child with a dude who isnt your husband (or even in the picture in some cases), are you not the same fast ass girl you dont want corrupting your son? Dont you think the mother of your child's father probably said the same thing about you?
I swear, we as women dont have no act right at all when it comes to how we relate to one another sometimes.

Tuesday, October 14, 2014

20-Something

Finally i got tagged for this 20 thingy things tag. As if i dont randomly go on about myself enough around here. Here we go:

1) I watch cartoons more than any other type of tv show
2) Crime shows are a close second
3) I have a not-so-secret desire to live and work abroad. There was a time where i was actively looking for positions in London, Naija, and Ghana. We'll see if thi ever comes to fruition.
4) I've never been on a cruise...despite planning to on at least 5 different occassions. Someday
5) I own a pair of socks that have full-length photos of Jay and Bey on them lol. Dont judge me, i havent even worn them yet
6) I want a cat...even though i think theres a high probability that they are demonic
7) I hate asking for help...or anything really. When i was in undergrad, my mom would actually call me to offer me money/care packages/etc because she knew there was a good chance i was sitting in my res hall broke and hungry but that i wouldnt tell her
8) I have like 5 gray hairs. Its a lil depressing.
9) Theres only 2 reasons i wanna get married: to have a big party and to be able to say i got married
10) There is not a single door on my car that is completely functional. The struggle is so real.
11) Im very tempted to put on a costume and go trick or treating. I wonder if i could pass as a slightly overdeveloped child.
12) I want a brownie...and a cookie. And some ice cream.
13) I also want some pizza...and a philly cheesesteak...and some pork fried rice
14) I promise im not pregnant
15) IDK why so many people's first impression of me is that i'm mean/unfriendly/violent.
16) For some reason, i love doing laundry. And grocery shopping. And vacuuming. These are the only chores i enjoy in any way.
17) I am strongly considering doing the big chop. Its been about a yr and a half since my last relaxer and i have like 3 or 4 different hair textures/curl patterns going on here. Its gotta be easier just dealing with the one.
18) Im slowly starting forget things about my hometown. I need to visit asap.
19) The Atlanta skyline hasnt stopped captivating me. Especially at night.
20) It took me 2 1/2 years, but i finally made it to the Atlanta Underground.

 
Welp, thats my 20. IDK who hasnt done this yet. If thats you, consider this your tag. Share 20 randomly random things about yourself with us. 

Monday, October 13, 2014

Legal Matters

I watch a lot of cop shows (besides reality tv, what else is there right). They tend to raise a lot of questions in my mind. Like, how come cops/feds/whoever never just shoot the bad guy in the arm or the kneecap (i hear thats incredibly painful, hope i never find out)? Always go for the killshot. And lawyers...urgh. My disdain is sky high lol. Im not gonna lie, if i did something illegal, i would want my lawyer doing every damn thing they could to keep me outta the slammer but watching these shows...its just like ewww. How can you defend a murderer, rapist, or whatever when you KNOW the only defense you have are legal technicalities? Then you have the friends and families of the perps. They are always either in complete denial or totally unwilling to cooperate.

Which brings me to my question to anyone reading this:
If someone you knew, a family member or spouse perhaps, committed a crime, would you cooperate with the investigation? If you had to take the witness stand, would you willingly perjure yourself to keep them outta jail? What if they asked you to lie (which most likely means they actually are guilty)?

Thursday, October 9, 2014

Tales of baby mamas and baby daddies

Why is it that when a man has an awful baby mama , we're all quick to/expected to sympathize with him. But when a single mother has a deadbeat baby daddy, the natural inclination is to blame her for choosing to lay with said deadbeat?

Men have far more control over whom they procreate with- a sentiment most people fail to realize. Sure, women are the ones with the "right to choose" (if youre in the right place) but if the woman wasnt pregnant to begin with then it wouldnt even come to that. Afterall, whens the last time a woman shot an egg (and means to incubate a developing child) at a man? Right.

To be honest, theres very little a woman can do to control a mans actions once he's in there. Take it from someone who has been on the victim end of an aint shit person who did the quick dip out-slide the condom off-and slip back in move. Thankfully there was no pregnancy and no germs picked up. Believe me ladies and gents, your dear friend Lady Ngo would surely have caught a body behind that foolishness had the outcome been different. I will tell you that this scuzzbucket is no longer on this continent and if he knows whats good for him he had best not let me catch him anywhere near me.

Im rambling, i know lol. but i just get so tired of the narrative. and especially with the double standard it comes with.

Please feel free to agree or disagree with me.

*I just realized i did 2 pregnancy based posts in a row. relax your eyebrows and furrowed brows folks. im not trying to subliminally tell u anything lol.

Monday, September 29, 2014

Pregnancy

Pregnancy is like this horrifying yet magical thing. Its like "awww, theres a baby in there" but "aaaargh, theres a baby in there. Wtf bro? OMG its moving!!!" lol

Clearly im not ready for motherhood.

Anyways, if i owe u something from that pay it forward post i did forever ago, please email me at usfgirl86@yahoo.com (and thank u YSU for reminding me)

Sidenote: thanks for checking on me (those of u who did). I have been gone for awhile for...reasons. Anywho, I have been reading ur blogs, just that i've been doing so from my tablet and leaving comments has proven practically impossible for some reason.

Wednesday, September 3, 2014

The finer things in life

I was watching an episode of Criminal Minds the other day about a high priced call girl/escort/hooker who was killing off her wealthy customers. And it got me to wondering, how do you even get in that line of work? Not hooking in general, because that seems simple enough lol. But being a high-priced escort...how does that work? I mean, in the episode this girl was gettin paid like $10000 a session. Thats some serious bread for something one culd probably get for free.
Now, i'm not saying im bout that life...but i am curious how does one even go about acquiring a job like that at that pay rate lol. Like, do you fill out an application, go for a test run to determine how much your cookie is worth, do they do open house recruiting? IDK.

Sidenote: what i did learn from this episode is that dudes are stupid. How can you be told that theres a hooker killing off your colleagues and still be frequenting your hooker anyway? Like  you really couldnt give it a few days until she got arrested? men, smh.

Friday, August 15, 2014

what does it all mean?

Someone just blogged something like "let a man be a man and a woman be a woman"

What does that even mean? What defines "manhood"? What defines "womanhood"? Who came up with these definitions? Why do we cling to them, even when its to our own detriment? Why does someone else get to dictate who and what i should be based on whether i have xx or xy chromosomes?

#QTNA

Thursday, July 10, 2014

Lust and trust and other stuff

In my last post, someone commented that it would be a problem for their S.O to stare at/comment on another woman's boo-tay because lusting is a sin and so on and so forth. But my question is, what is lusting? Are we insinuating that a booty can not be appreciated without there being some sexusl component there? I mean, no one is going to accuse you of lustful thoughts if you comment on someone's eyes or hairdo. So why is it automatically assumed that if you comment on someones ass (or boobs or abs or even their genitals if for some non-sexual reason you see em) its because your mind is flooded with dirty thoughts? I may make dirty comments here for comedic value but honestly I cant remember the last time I saw some flesh and literally started letting my thoughts and loins run away to fantasyland...

I struggle with the concept of trust. Not hecause I find it difficult to trust people. Its actually just a really stupid idea to me lol. Im not saying you should live your life expecting the absolute woret from everyone, but...this whole idea of a person being worthy of your trust just because they havent (as far as you know) effed you over...YET. If thats the caee, yhen everyone is trustworthy until they're not. All I can say is I dont put anything past anyone.

I think I should have listened to Ginger and taken up being a eex therapist ofvsome sort because I have been analyzing quite a few ppl lately and my analysis has been right on the nose. Something to think about.

So...I stole this vapor/hookah-ish thing from my friend, not realizing that the stuff you put in it has nicotine in it...so I thihkn im a smoker now lol

I hope everyone had a happy 4th (if youre stateside...otherwise im sure it was just another day for you). Mine was...interesting, idk if it was interesting...yeah, interesting.

Sit tight folks, the weekend is almost here!

Friday, June 27, 2014

Would this be a problem for you?

So i'm sitting, chillin...plotting on how to take over the world when a guy friend of mine walks past. He doubles back and stops at my door and starts telling me about how his chick is mad at him AGAIN. Slightly amused, i asked, well- what did you do?

Turns out, him and his chick had been sitting down watching tv when all of a sudden a chick with a ample sized derriere appeared on the screen. Dude says aloud: Damn, shorty got a fat ass! He is then met with the stank eye coupled with the silent treatment. A silent treatment which was only briefly punctuated by the words: you clearly don't know whats ok to say to me.

Now...i just giggled. Because that wouldn't be a problem for me. Hell, i've been with significant others and seen a fat ass attached to another human being walk right past us and said damn babe, look at her ass! Ain't no thang to me. I've been with dudes who try to play it off like they ain't looking, and even verbally "confirm" that they are good with what they are walking with (i.e: me) and i'd still say 1) you lyin, 2) i don't care if you looking- im lookin too.

So my question is, and i guess its mostly to the womenfolk, would this be an issue for you? Would you genuinely be upset about your significant other checking out another woman's booty (or any other body part)?

Friday, June 20, 2014

The shot seen 'round the world

I saw this pretty early in the day yesterday (or maybe the day before, i don't remember):
felons can be cute too

But i never would have thought it would have blown up the way it did lol.

He is fine as hell tho. Just gorgeous. And for the life of me, idk why negros seems to have an issue with the fact that a slew of women, particularly of the black/brown variety, we willing to auction off imaginary children and sacrifice hypothetical freedoms to get a piece of it. Being a criminal might make you a less attractive life partner but the loins want what the loins want lol.

I personally prefer the other internet sensation of the moment:
got me rethinking my feelings about white ppl with dreads

Now this man is a delicious looking piece of man. Good heavens. And the body on dude...
pardon me as i wipe the drool from my chin

Tell me you wouldn't slap ya mama to lick the sweat off those abs! Oh, is it just me? Ok then. (._. )

Wednesday, June 18, 2014

I'm late

(not that kind of late) but i just saw the uncensored version of the Blurred Lines video and all i can say is:

What in the hell was the point?

It was literally 4 and a half minutes of titties floating around my computer screen. Seriously...what was the freaking point?

Aren't TI, Pharrell and Robin Thicke all married? Where are these people's wives? I wish my nigga would. SMH

This all just begs the question of why does anyone make these stupid uncensored videos in the first place? Okay, once upon a time, i imagine there was a certain shock value to it. And when BET was culturally relevant and still showing Uncut, then fine...i guess. But nowadays. What purpose does this foolywang serve? Its not like anyone is gonna see it outside of Youtube.

I will say though, one of those chicks had a seriously nice rack (though not much of anything else). If those boobs are hers by nature, good on you honey! Everybody ain't able.

Tuesday, June 10, 2014

Beez in the trap

More like bees in the apartment. More specifically, my apartment. Don't ask me how it happened. I came home around 5. I didn't see the bee until like 10:30pm. So, the only thing that makes sense is that this bee was chillin in my crib...for over 5hrs...just sitting in the corner somewhere...waiting and plotting my demise.

One second i was sitting on my couch surfing facebook, the next i was being accosted by flying monsters in bee form.

I often talk about flipping tables or throwing laptops out of windows...but let me tell you, when i caught sight of this ginormous ass carpenter bee out the corner of my eye making its way rapidly in my direction...my laptop went FLYING! As did I! The fact that this laptop even works in the condition that is in, is nothing short of a blessing AND a miracle!

Somehow in the night, i lost sight of the bee. The last i saw, it flew into the overhead light fixture in my dining room. Yet somehow after some hours, when i finally worked up the balls to beat the life out of my light fixture with the broom, the bee was nowhere to be found.

By now it is nearly midnight. And i have things to do the next day. So i decide to barricade myself in my bedroom and tackle the issue again in the morning.

It has been two days now and i still have not been able to re-locate this bee. Hopefully it died and will no longer be an issue for me. But far more likely, i will take a nap and wake up with it sitting on my nose. (GOD FORBID!!!!)

Thursday, May 29, 2014

My Confession, judge me if you must

I have had a majorly epic crush on Lil Wayne for years.

Yes, i said it. Lil Wayne. Lil Tunechi. Weezy F Baby, Please Say The Baby! Dwayne mutha luvin Carter!

Ever since i first caught a glimpse of him in Juvenile's video for his first single "Ha" back in 1998. Whats sad is Wayne was in that video for literally like half of a half of a half of a second. But that was all it took lol.

As soon as The Block is Hot dropped, i went to the Sam Goody in Roosevelt Field Mall and bought it with my saved up lunch money. On cassette. Talk about broke, i couldn't even afford a CD lol.

Back in those days when my walls were covered by posters out of Word Up, Right On, and Black Beat magazines, Wayne always had a wall dedicated to him in my bedroom. (The other three were Lil Zane- who was eventually replaced by 50 Cent, B2K, and the assortment wall lol)

Honestly the only thing keeping me from being a certified groupie and trying my hand at getting backstage is that this nigga is fertile as hayle. Got Trina, Lauren London and Nivea pregnant...and aint no tellin who else. I'm good on that. But honestly if he rolled up on me, i'd probably climb up on it. *rubs hands like Birdman*

Yes, i do have my Lil Wayne playlist on as i type this. And while i think he looked much better pre-facial tattoos, dude is still fine to me. *kanye shrug*

Sunday, May 25, 2014

Check your bride price

LMAO, one of my friends just posted this on her fb page. Of course i just had to indulge and see what kind of numbers we're dealing with.








I didn't do too bad at all lol. Americana tins

Go ahead and check and see what your bride price should be. And for the married among you, see if you were hoodwinked during the negotiations lol.

Saturday, May 24, 2014

KimYe Wedding

I just read that Kim and Kanye tied the knot...and Jay and Bey didn't show up lol.

Someone speculated that maybe they didn't show because they were still to embarrassed about Elevatorgate to show face publicly.

That got me to thinking...what if that who debacle was a publicity stunt that they planned just so that they could get out of having to go to Kim and Kanye's wedding?!?

The very idea has me rolling.

Tuesday, May 20, 2014

May has been a pretty rough month

I've recently come to a very important conclusion about myself. I realized that i don't really care so much that a person talks shit about me...so much as i feel like who the fuck do you think you are that you feel like you are even worth mentioning my name, even if it is surrounded by hate, lies and/or bs. #ImConceited #IGotAReason




Um...Passive-Aggressive Flirt #1 kinda sorta visited me here in GA recently. Nothing happened lol. Although, i'm fairly positive that if I had allowed it, something could/would have happened. But I am a good girl. I chose to behave myself.

Someone tried to insult me by basically saying i wasn't as big of a ho as she is. I'm still trying to piece together exactly how that was an insult to me LOL. Bitches People are crazy.

My laptop is done for. I don't know what I did to it but it is just falling apart. Time to start moving some files to my tablet i guess.

Us, back in 07
The other day I cried my eyes out. Cried so hard that I gave myself a full-blown migraine. Sometimes you just gotta let it out. I lost a good friend. Had i known that less than 24hrs after the last time we spoke, he'd be gone...there's so much more i would've said. And whats so crazy is that I didn't find out until about a month later...and almost every day during that month i kept saying to myself: man i need to call/text T. SMH. It took me a while to accept it, and I think finally i have. Rest in Peace, T. Thank you for being a friend.

Friday, May 16, 2014

What I like about you

Would you judge me if i walked down the aisle at wedding to this song:
Cuz i can totally see that happening!

I saw this on facebook and thought i'd post it here. Go ahead, stroke my ego! lol And feel free to repost and have your ego stroked as well ;)


I didn't really have anything to say (obviously) but Toin said i had been gone too long lol.

Wednesday, May 7, 2014

Doing Waaaaaaay Too Much

Ok, i'm just gonna go ahead and say it. May 1st to now has truly been on one. I have run out of fingers and toes trying to keep up with all the weddings, baby showers, bachelorette parties, and engagements that i've seen/heard about thus far. And we're not even a whole week into the month yet. I didn't even attend any of the celebrations and already i'm pooped! lol.

So let this serve as my Congrats post to everyone who starting these new chapters in life:

My favoritest Big head Ebila who graciously flooded my inbox with wedding pix (because he knew i'd whip his butt if i didn't get them post haste)

My Sorors Faith and Jessica

My bestie Antonia

My college buddies Doyin and Keonna (and Yomi and Eji who've already wed the traditional way and the white wedding is this weekend coming)

And anybody else thats out celebrating some life changes, congrats to you as well.

#EverybodyGyrate
#Gy-Gy-Gyrate



Monday, April 28, 2014

Weekend misadventures


I went out for FroYo* on Thursday.  I accidentally topped my frozen yogurt with what i thought was reeses peanut butter cups...but it was really something else. I still don't know what. It was awful. I couldn't even finish the frozen yogurt because the mystery topping just tasted so awful. Just terrible :(

*FroYo= Frozen Yogurt

On Friday i went to see Oculus. It was ok. A mix between Mirrors and The Amityville Horror. The ending was kinda boom-boom though. Since i was in the movies already, I snuck in and watched another movie too lol. Haunted House 2. It was just as awful as its prequel. SMH. Poor Marlon Wayans needs to stick to working with his brothers.

Shortly after i was talked into going to a Mexican restaurant for dinner...i had to forewarn that my apartment only has one bathroom so if there is any digestive issue, folks might have to shit in the woods cuz i'm calling first dibs on the potty if need be lol. Everything worked alright though. And we even got a free dessert because it was our first time at the restaurant. #Winning

Sunday...the devil was working quadruple time to keep me from going to church. I could barely sleep saturday night. Sunday morning it took everything in me to drag myself outta bed. Then i noticed my toes weren't done so i had to find some nail polish. Then the strap on my dress broke as soon as i got in the car. Then i couldn't find any place to park. It was crazy. But i made it...and on time too. Imagine that lol.

Have a good week everybody :)

Monday, April 21, 2014

I know i say this

every time i get my hair done...but i cut my hair. Like, forreal this time. Its not "super short" but its the shortest its ever been in my entire life. And to be honest with you, i'm so over it. But my stylist will kill me if i go back in there talking about braid my hair or any such thing. She actually told me so lol.
no more "long hair don't care" for me

Whats sad is my hair grew so much from leaving it in the braids. Which is crazy cuz i only had 'em in for like 6 weeks. Oh well. "Its only hair, it'll grow back" so they say. I don't really believe that crap but we'll see lol.

So, how was everyone's Easter? I trust we all attended a nice church service...or spent time with the Easter Bunny devouring copious amounts of chocolate and jelly beans and whatever is else is customary in an Easter basket. Well whatever you did, i hope you all had a marvelous time :)

Ciao (for now)

Thursday, April 10, 2014

I'm Angry!

I've not been keeping up with this Mary Mary cheating scandal that's been going on with Tina and Teddy but a friend of mine just happened to post this video the other day and DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMN!

I was sitting here watching and felt that lone thug tear drop from my eye and roll down my cheek. I don't feel your pain Tina, but i FEEL your pain. It's one thing for it to have been one affair...which still isn't acceptable but ya know, but to be having multiple affairs and whatever else while homegirl is out bringing home the income and putting her career on pause to cater to you and that flock of kids she popped out for you. Bruh. SMH. My first question was, they got 50'leven kids, when in the world did he find the time to be having a 101 dalmatians affairs in the first place?!? And then on top of that, if you were gonna fess up to the nonsense, why not just drop the bomb all at once and let the chips fall? Why drag it out over months and months months so she can keep reliving the hurt with and added scoop on top each time? I swear, men can be just.... blech!

Monday, April 7, 2014

Would you do it?


Personally speaking, i'd slap ANYBODY for that kind of money. Anybody, ya hear me! That includes you and ya momma and ya granny and ya favorite aunty, your 3 yr old nephew...ANY MOTHALUVIN BODY can catch these hands for that kind of money! My Ex...shiiiiit, i'd slap that fool for free.

Who comes up with these things? LOL

Disclaimer: Since there is no clause saying i have to hurt the person i slap, i would definitely slap very gently :)

Sub-disclaimer: i would not be slapping anyone who will retaliate with deadly force. 10mil is not worth THAT much!

Thursday, April 3, 2014

Don't judge me, but i have a question...

What would you do if you think (or know) that you saw someone you know in an...um...adult video? Would you say something to the person? Would you tell anyone else? What if it was something, like, REALLY off the wall...like something fetishy or illegal? Would you still keep it to yourself that you saw the person? Would you be able to face them and still keep it a secret?

I'm just asking...for a friend. Yeah, for a friend. You all know i don't engage in such behaviors, right? Right!



Sidenote: So i was walking out of my office to go to lunch yesterday and my foot slipped out of my shoe. I kid you not, i thought i was gonna die! Don't even ask. All i know is i turned, felt my heel come flying outta the back of my shoe and the next thing you know my life was flashing before my eyes. So dramatic, I know lol!

Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Who had the best week ever?


This chick did!!!

I spent almost a whole week away from work...at a conference...in Atlanta...at The Sheraton. Meeting cool people, getting free stuff, and goofing off (among other things that i'm not at liberty to share lol). All while getting paid to do so.

SCORE!

The downside: i missed a ridiculous number of phone calls and emails while i was gone. Like, a seriously ridiculous amount, which is making my return to work a complete pain in the arse. Not to mention our students are on spring break this week and a lot of the faculty and staff have taken the week off too so its super slow and dull around here.

But its allllllllllllll good.

*ETA: I think maybe Sisi Yemmie and Bobo Yomi are having better week than me lol. Congrats luv birds. We expect plenty pics now that you've won this Big Nigerian Wedding! :)

Wednesday, March 26, 2014

My Grandma

So, yesterday was my Grandma's birthday. I got her a card...which is still sitting on my end table waiting to be mailed. *hides face*

So instead, i decided to give her a call (partially because my mother told me to, partially because i felt bad that said card has been sitting on my end table for like a week).

Why did i get a busy signal?!?

In this day and age, who doesn't have call waiting? My Grandma, apparently lol.

But i don't know why i'm surprised. This is a woman who refuses to get a cell phone and only has a DVD player and a Microwave because they were forced upon her as gifts. I can't front though, lots of stuff tastes amazing heated up in a toaster oven as opposed to a microwave.

Granted, it's been ages since the last time i've been to my Grandma's house, but i bet dollars to donuts* that she probably still has those two rotary phones from the 70s. I'd be QUITE SHOCKED if she even has an answering machine.

Sigh, I love my Grandma!


*i have no idea what dollars to donuts means. I just know how to use it in a sentence.

Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Do people actually do this?

You know how when you're shopping for something online

And you type in the item name in the search bar

Say, like you're looking for a white t-shirt at jcpenney

So you type in "white shirt" and the 10000000000 results pop up

You can then adjust the way you view the results

One of the options is always "show the highest price first"

Why is that an option?

Are there people who are really sitting and saying to themselves: I want to buy a plain white t-shirt but i want to pay as much money as humanly possible for it.

Questions that need answers.

Sidenote:


Tuesday, March 18, 2014

You can't be a lazy scammer

I just got an email stating that the US Treasury will be paying me a tax refund in the sum of $185,000.00 and that i should pay $285 for the tax forms and preparation fees.


Now, first off, the email address that this nonsense came from is officefile1223@cantv.net
 Yes because that definitely sounds like an email address belonging to the US Treasury, IRS or any other financial gov't entity (-___-)

Second, this son of a goat didn't even have the decency to BCC all the people they sent this bullshnaggle to. I clicked the "show details" tab on my email and it showed 97 other people who apparently are entitled to the exact same tax refund amount that I am entitled to.

Finally, this person must have realized their mistake because they then sent me the email AGAIN, but this time BCC'd me and CC'd some other person. SMH

Abeg, if you're going to be a scammer, the least you can do is put a little more effort into it. This is just plain disgraceful. Like, why even bother if this is how little work you're going to put in?

Friday, March 14, 2014

Should i laugh or cry?

I'm sitting at my desk and an email comes through from one of the VPs. Its a graph stating the average difference in earning potential of someone with a High School Diploma (or its equivalent- which would be a GED) and that of someone with an Associates Degree. Supposed to be inspirational, i guess.

Please tell me why, I, someone with a Master's Degree (and the student loan debt to match) working in the same institution that is advertising these "average salaries" am making $1k less per year than what they are saying people with a High School Diploma make? And $15k less than what someone with an associate makes.

Bruh (-__________-)

Something about this...i don't know if i should find it comical or if i should be pissed off. lol

Have a good weekend my people

Monday, March 10, 2014

Poetic Justice



Well not quite "Poetic Justice" because i simply don't have the time or patience to deal with big ass braids down to my ass crack, but close enough :)

Sidenote: i'm kinda pretty. When did that shit happen?!?







Also, a couple of weeks ago, I met T-Pain. I had no idea this guy didn't have hair anymore. Hmm.

In less perky news, i had a couple of deaths in my family this past couple of weeks. I'm ok now but it definitely was a lil rough patch.

Hope everyone has a great week ahead.

Friday, March 7, 2014

Lupita's brother is having the best year ever

Taking selfies with celebs.

Getting invited to Oprah's crib for lunch.

Attending all sorts of swanky Hollywood events.

And being fine (if he's over 21. If he's not then just forget i typed that).

WTF man? My siblings need to get off their lazy duffs and do something so i can be living the good life too!

Monday, March 3, 2014

Disturbing

So...i am more than a little disturbed by how many times i've heard men say they want to be fathers but they don't want to be husbands. Then turn around and say that they would never seriously date a woman who has kids.

So...you're saying a woman is good enough for you to get pregnant and leave single. But God forbid you end up with a woman who was done the same way you plan on doing some other woman. Not to mention that none of these men have expressed any interest in being the primary caregiver of said children.

So what we have here is a bunch of people who think not only that women's wombs are for rent (for lack of a better phrase) but that once the child is born, they don't even have to take full responsibility for it. Men are scummy as shit

My friend, as many children as there are in foster care/on the street/in crappy households...you better go an adopt or become a mentor or figure out how to create a baby without the use of someone else's eggs and womb. mscheeeeew

In other disturbing news: There are actually people who deny the utter fabulousness of Lupita Nyong'o?!? How dare you, heathen!

And i just got into this little tiff with a chick who said she and her bf don't see a reason to use condoms cuz she's on bc and they both got tested. Um...ok. Getting tested on monday doesn't mean someone can't go out and pick up something (or someone) in tuesday. The fuck? Naive ass folks out there. I say, why take the gamble? If/when you catch something...

ETA: Poor Leo still doesn't have an Oscar. My poor baby. I legit feel bad for him. He has done some phenomenal work over the years. But SUPER DUPER CONGRATS to the fabulous Lupita Nyong'o. You know, black folks don't win Oscars very often. 

Friday, February 21, 2014

Things I've Learned from Tumblr


  1. I'm not crazy. My mother had me tested. So many posts...speaking my entire mind...on every topic/subject imaginable.
  2. The world is full of beautiful people. When God was passing out good looks, I must've been somewhere stuffing myself with chocolate chip cookies...peanut butter chocolate chip cookies...from Braum's. Totally worth it though if that's where i really was lol.
  3. Some men and white folks have not an ounce of act right. 
  4. I love black love
  5. I'm freakin old. I can't tell you how many posts about things from my childhood (or even my teen years) that are filled with what is that comments. Sigh.
Have a good weekend people.

Monday, February 17, 2014

Love, laughs, and disappointment

How fucking stupid do you have to be. How in the hell can you convict a man of attempted murder for shooting at a bunch of unarmed children but then say you can't decide if he's guilty of murdering the one person that actually got killed in said shooting. What the ENTIRE fuck Florida? Again with this shit. No justice for black boys in that state. SMH. I guess i do take some solace in the fact that the shit stain of a man is at least going to jail for what is likely to be the rest of his life. But damn. This doesn't even make sense. Forget from a legal standpoint, from a common sense standpoint. I swear, i knew...ever since the first time i set foot in that state...full of fucking idiots.

Anywayz

I hope you all had a good Valentine's Day. I did not. But thats ok. I did bake cookies for my co-workers. And i got some chocolates and some other nonsense from a "secret valentine". A particular blogger shared some good news with me. And another particular blogger decided to be a doo-doo head. But they know themselves. No need to name names :)

In the spirit of Valentine's Day and all things lovey-dovey, one of my soon-to-be-married friends posted this link on their fb. I read it and love it because its pretty much everything i've thought before. Go take a look.

Have ya'll seen this video? It's been all over my fb for the past few days. Had me ROLLING! Whats even more funny is that the dad looks just like one of my uncles lol. That would've really been hilarious.

Friday, February 14, 2014

Happy Valentine's Day (-___-)

just kidding not really

You know the drill by now around here for Valentine's Day!

Happy Valentine's Day folks. Have fun, be safe, and pass one of these greetings to your sweety if you forgot to buy them a gift :)

Wednesday, February 12, 2014

The silver lining to my cloud



But at least i have the day off from work to enjoy sulk get over it. #KanyeShrug

Monday, February 10, 2014

Its a privilege, not a right

Driving.

I don't know what causes people to be so reckless. So selfish. So stupid.

Just like that, because of one person's stupid decision to drive drunk, 5 lives lost.

This past weekend, one of the fraternities on my (former) yard lost 4 of their undergraduate members in a car accident. Some somebody thought it would be a great idea to drive drunk and ended up driving the wrong way on the interstate and crashed head-on into these 4 young men. All of whom, the drunk driver included) died at the scene. These kids were all 20 and 21 years old. Just driving down the street, minding their own business.

I just can't.


RIP to Jobin Joy Kuriakose, Ankeet Harshad Patel, Dammie Yesudhas, and Imtiyaz Ilias

Friday, February 7, 2014

Getting Old

How did i know i was getting old?

Out of nowhere, HGTV is hands down my favorite channel. Property Virgins, House Hunters, House Hunters International, and on occasion Property Brothers are among my top 5 favorite shows.

My other favorite show is Big Bang Theory. This is literally all i watch lol.

My day will complete when they do House Hunters International in Nigeria. It will either be tragically sad or delightfully hilarious. I can already imagine.

Wednesday, February 5, 2014

Misophonia

I really think i have this...or some kind of mild case of it. Because i'm seriously ready to crack someone's damn skull in here. All this freaking noise and for what? woooooooo-saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. I'm bout to file a freaking ADA claim to get these people to move my office. This is ridiculous.

Misophonia- hatred of sound

Tuesday, February 4, 2014

TMI

One of the coaches walked into my office to ask the other coach a question. He was eating a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup at the time. Instantly my brain played out several violent scenarios that all ended with me triumphantly eating his Reese's Peanut Butter Cup! Clearly i'm at that point in my cycle. The desire for chocolate should not cause one to have homicidal thoughts...on a regular day at least.

In some not so TMI news, on my way home from work yesterday, i saw some man selling 800 thread count Queen sized Egyptian Cotton sheet sets on the street corner for $20 a piece. In the store, that would easily go for upwards of $200. SMH. Hustle tinz. I wonder what truck those sheets fell off the back of.

Then while i was waiting for my food at pizza hut, i saw this lil old white man sitting in the corner singing along to Drake's Hold on We're Going Home. And when that went off and Mary J. Blige's Everything came on, he was REALLY in his zone.

Monday, February 3, 2014

Father Time

For pete's sake, is it really monday already?!? Like...it feels like a split second ago it was Friday. Ugh. I need to learn to sit put on the weekends. All this running around is just draining me of my down time!

The weekend zoomed by, but somehow it feels like I haven't been to work in ages. I don't know what that's about.

One period of time that decided to drag its feet was January. Thank GOD  that it's finally February. Holy smokes. I know by December i'll be shouting where did 2014 go but damn. Did January take forever to be over or what?!?

The other day my entire dream was in Igbo, Yoruba and Pidgin. Apparently Dream Lady Ngo is waaaaaaay more Naija than regular Lady Ngo.

Valentine's day is in less than 2 weeks. What are you getting me?!?

Thursday, January 30, 2014

Snow Day

If you live in, know somebody who lives in, or have been watching any American (probably international too) news, then you would know that the southeastern states have been living rough this past few days. One city of particular interest was Atlanta. Where people literally abandoned their cars on the sides of the road/highways because for some, getting home took well over 24 hours. I have a friend who said they left work at like 6pm. By 8pm they had made barely made it a 1/4 mile down the road. No joke. It was bad up there man. Damn near 1000 accidents and at least one fatality (so i read).

I, however have been cozy in my home (with some slight panic as there were a couple of people i was unable to reach for some hours- but we're all good now) since monday evening. They canceled classes on tuesday as a precaution because we didn't know what we were going to be dealing with. LOL. It didn't even start snowing until the evening hours so we basically got a free day for nothing. I'm not complaining.

Wednesday, classes were canceled as well as there was a good 3 inches or so of snow on the ground. Which to plenty, myself included, doesn't seem like much. But for people living in a state that rare if ever sees snow- its a pretty big deal.

Supposedly they are re-opening school tomorrow (Thursday). If that is the case, i gotta say they may not be seeing me. Its supposed to be below freezing tonight, which means by morning all the roads will be covered in ice. They do not pay me nearly enough to risk my life trying to get to work to do ish that i could just as easily accomplished from the safety of my home. You should see our school's fb page. Everybody is bitchin lol. The local public schools (and some businesses) are closed for the day. Even some of the other colleges are closed, or delaying their opening. Hopefully we will follow suit. Anywho, i'm off to go perfect my i'm too sick to come in to work today cough, just in case ;)
SNOW!!!

First time i've come outside and seen my car looking like this in almost 10 years lol

It was just dumb luck that i actually still had one of these in my car lol

Sidenote: please pray that all this snow business will not delay my paycheck...cuz that would be no bueno. Also if you wouldn't mind throwing a word in there too for me just in case i do end up having to drive to work. Please and thank you.

Friday, January 24, 2014

Up In The Club

Events of a recent weekend have highlighted a fact that i've known about myself for some time now. I am NOT a club person. Especially ghetto/hole-in-the-wall type clubs. I went out a couple of weeks ago with some old and new friends and OMG. Don't get me wrong, in the grand scheme of things i did have a good time. First time i've been to a REAL reggae club in some years. But man...all the cigarette and *other* smoke. All the thirsty dudes. All the bitches that almost got murdered because they think they're too cute to have any freaking manners. AND there was no place to sit. It all conspired to leave me completely irritated (when i wasn't busy shaking my nyansh).

But i wanna talk about the thirsty dudes for a moment. Because this is a pattern i've noticed literally any time i've ever been in a social setting with men. Why is it that a man cannot walk past a woman without having to touch her or be in her personal space in some kind of way? The most commonly used tactic is when a guy is walking past you and he reaches out and brushes his hands across the small of your back and casually whispers an "excuse me ma". Like yo, i know this is a tight club and i'm a big girl but damn, you did not need to feel up on me just to get past me. Women don't seem to have to rub me down just to walk past so what is your problem?!? The last time this happened to me, the dude was touching me for so long and holding on so tight i honestly thought he was the guy i came to the club with...until i turned around and saw that he wasn't lol. 

Any fellas out there care to explain this???


I got this from YSU, we all know she's sucha sweety-poo. So i'm doing this too:

*The first 5 people who comment on this blogpost with "I'm IN", will receive a surprise from me at some point in this calendar year - anything from a book, a ticket, a visit, something homegrown or made, a postcard, absolutely any surprise!

These 5 people in turn must make the same offer in their blog and distribute their own joy. Simply copy this text onto your next blogpost, so we can form a web of connection and kindness


****if you are not a blogger or someone i know outside of blogsville or on twitter, it would probably do you well to leave some kind of contact info or something otherwise your surprise is most likely not going to reach you lol.****

Wednesday, January 22, 2014

How to be a sidechick

Wetin person no go see for this 2014?!? I swear, the internet is full of weirdos lol.

So i'm cruising down facebook ave the other day and i see one of my Sorors post a link entitled "How to be a Sidechick" 

Apparently, in 2014, being a side chick not only is an aspiration for some, but requires an instruction manual. Have a gander at it here.

LOL, I didn't read the entire thing. What for, right? As if any man with any amount of common sense would want to make me a side item as opposed to the entree. (Not that i'm trying to be anyone's main dish. I prefer to be the ONLY dish. But i digress).

I don't understand why there even is such a thing though. In my opinion, it's not the side pieces that require instruction, its the dirty ass men and women who attempt to keep these side pieces. People have not an ounce of shame these days. Have the side pieces meeting the parents, takin em on dates, spending nights...its crazy. Back in my day, if you were gonna be bold enough to have a lover on the side, you at least had the decency not to give her "wifey benefits". The game is all effed up these days lol.

Maybe one of my new years resolutions should be to write "How To Be A Player, 2014 edition"

Monday, January 20, 2014

Shuffle

Taynement did some something about shuffling through your music playlist and typing the first 20 songs. Im bored so i'll bite:

1. 2face: Nfana Ibaga (only because that's the first song in my library lol)
2. Lil Cease feat Lil Kim: Crush on You
3. 2Pac: Keep Ya Head Up
4. 50 Cent: If I Can't
5. Tony One Week: Everybody Gyrate (its like an hour long mash-up of gyration tunes)
6. Missy Elliot: P***ycat
7. Sean Paul: Get Busy
8. Frank Ocean: Girlfriend's Best Friend
9. Ginuwine: Two Reasons I Cry
10. Drake: Headlines
11. Shaggy: Hey Sexy Lady
12. Lil Jon & The Eastside Boys: Who U Wit
13: Zhane: Groove Thang
14. Raphael Saadiq feat. Q-Tip: Get Involved
15. Boyz II Men: Yesterday
16. Xscape: Who Can I Run To
17. B2K: I'm Not Finished
18. B2K: Uh-Huh
19. Keyshia Cole: Shoulda Let You Go
20. Bobby Brown: Humping Around

The shuffle features on my phone and my tablet are much better. I don't know what kinda playlist my computer was trying to create for me with this mish-mosh of songs. Got me wanting to dance, then cry, than break something, then cry, then dance again. SMH.

Thursday, January 16, 2014

The face i make

when i call myself singing along to No Me Ames:

Especially when they get to the "No me dejes, no me dejes. No me escuches si te digo 'no me ames'!" part. That is my part son!!! You just don't know. All in my feelings.

Monday, January 13, 2014

Playing Doctor

I've been thinking a lot about getting my doctorate lately. I've talked to a few people, been to a few "getting your Ph.D" workshops, and i see some of my friends working towards theirs (med school excluded because that's honestly a whole other beast). I don't think i'm ready just yet. In fact I know i'm not ready just yet. But its still heavy on my mind.

Everyone keeps telling me to just jump right in while im still young. Jump right in before you have "responsibilities" aka children and the overgrown child also known as a husband. Jump right in while going to school is still somewhat fresh.

But i'm not ready.

I actually did find a program that is 100% perfect for me. Except i don't qualify for it. And by the time i do qualify for it, i'll have to take the GRE again. And the GRE has changed since last i took it. I cannot put myself through that hell again.

And don't even get me started on how exactly i'm supposed to be financing this. I'm already drowning in a sea of student loan debt as it is.

Then I have to consider how having a doctorate with effect my job prospects. I am not trying to be President o! But i think it'd look kinda sketchy that someone with a Ph.D doesn't even want to be on the VP level. Or even the Director level sef. IDK man.

I wonder if anyone will say anything if i get a boom-boom doctorate from a boom-boom school. I really just want to be Dr. Lady Ngo anyway lol.

Friday, January 10, 2014

I just hate everything today.

I woke up and it was raining cats and dogs outside.

In the middle of trying to get myself ready for work, the damn power cut out. Can you imagine? Its been like 2 degrees everyday this week with no problem. Now because of rain i'm trying to brush my teeth and wash my face and get dressed with no light. Tasks that are ridiculously more challenging than i could have imagined with no light.

I came into my office and my cabinet was gone. A whole 7ft tall metal cabinet just grew legs and walked off in the middle of the night (-_-) No one even asked if i needed anything out of it or anything before they just came and took the ish. Please believe i caused a mini-stink about it. I already wasn't in the mood when i got here no way.

People have been coming at me like i'm freaking stupid all week and that is just ridiculously irritating. You can't play a player. Imma just leave it at that.

And to top it all off, i think i'm coming down with something. (God forbid, seriously!) I really don't have time to be sick around here.

This day needs to either start over on a better note or speed the hell up so i can go home, shut off my phone, get in my bed and ignore the world until monday.

Thursday, January 9, 2014

Cobwebs and Tumbleweeds

Well i'm certainly glad to see that people have decided to dust all the damn cobwebs off their blogs as of late. I don't know if @tilola's blogpost spoke it to the universe and did the trick or if people have put blogging on their new year's resolutions list or what but i look forward to seeing more interaction around here. I'm tired of the tumbleweeds blowing by! There still quite a few people i'd like to see step it up but its only January 9th, i'm giving people time lol.
lets have no more of this in 2014 guys!

Tuesday, January 7, 2014

From the mouths of babes

During the Christmas holiday, i got to spend a lot of time with my adorable yet too damn grown niece Brianna. Like most children, my niece can talk your ear off about absolutely anything. And talk she did. Keep in mind that aside from Facetime and Skype/ooVoo, I haven't seen this child in 2 years so she had lots of lost chatter/play time to make up for. Here are a few of her gems:

To her mom: Mommy, did GiGi call Santa and let him know to bring my presents to her house this Christmas?

Literally out of nowhere:
Bri: Auntie Jen, are you still in school?
Me: No, not anymore.
Bri (with a look of bewilderment): So....you're a grown up now?
Me: Yes, Bri. I'm a grown up now. Surprising isn't it?!?

After walking past that filthy mess my brother calls his bedroom:
Bri: Oh my goodness, who's room is this?
Me: That's Uncle Tyler's room
Bri: It is A MESS!
Me: I know
*she timidly takes a step in*
Bri: Eeewwww and it stinks in here. Smells like Cheetos!

After I made a funny face:
Bri: Why are you doing that? You look ugly like that!
Me: Aw, that's not nice!
Bri: Well..i'm just saying!

After randomly asking me if i like parties:
Bri: I don't like grown up parties. They are boring. Aunt Janey's party was the worst. I couldn't play with the balloons. All we did was eat dinner and that was it.

Again, out of nowhere:
Bri: Um, how long have we been here?
Me: 2 days
Bri: Oooooh, ok. Well our vacation is for like 14 days. That means i got lots of time to spend with you Auntie Jen!
2 days later when she found out i was leaving soon
Bri: You're leaving? But i thought you said we were gonna spend lots of time together :(

Me and Baby Girl. No we didn't plan to match lol
Man, I love this little girl!

Thursday, January 2, 2014

5 minute marriages, breaks, etc

I know people like to throw a lot of shade at celebrity marriages because of how quickly they end. The more i think about it though, the more i can see the benefit in ending a marriage (that isn't working- not necessarily one that should've never happened in the first place) early. I can't imagine being married for 20+ years and then my partner decides he doesn't like me anymore. Negro, please. Don't nobody got time for that. Once we're past the 5 year/1st kid mark you better figure your shit out! Find a hobby (preferably one that isn't going to bring diseases, crazy bishes or OOW children into the mix) or something. Hmph.

Speaking of marriage and ish...na wa for DWade and Ludacris. Have people never heard of condoms? Or better yet, just keeping their dick in their pants and out of other people's lady parts? Shit. And then got the nerve to get somebody pregnant in the process. Geez Louise. Gabby, Eudoxie, more power to you ladies. Cuz i can't even imagine.

And since we're talking about this is, what exactly is "a break"? How does one take a break from a relationship? And why is it that these "breaks" always seem to equate to something like i feel like smashing someone else so i'm gonna say i need some time to myself so that i can go out and have as mush ass that isn't yours as i want without feeling guilty or having to explain myself later when i decide to come back AKA i feel like cheating on you without having to hear your mouth about it. Yeah, miss me with that "break" nonsense. If you need a "break", you better just carry your behind to another room in this house and sort yourself out.