Friday, March 29, 2013

Women

Its friday, i don't really have much to talk about so i thought i'd share with you some of my girl crushes, play aunties and she-roes

Kerry Washington: beautiful, brilliant and talented

Gabrielle Union: My Haitian Sensation

Rihanna: feisty femme fatale


Amber Rose: she's just hot and seems so sweet

Taraji P Henson: not afraid to be the ghetto girl next door

Jill Scott: How can you not love Jilly from Philly?!?

Erika Alexander: Maxine Shaw Attorney at Law/Misandry Queen

Phylicia Rashad: Who didn't wanna be Claire Huxtable growing up? I still do!

Angela Bassett: We cheered for you when you got your groove back, we cried with you when that  no good husband of yours ran off with that white woman (and celebrated when you set his shit on fire), we hi-fived when you beat the mess out of Ike in the back of that limo...all of this and the woman has barely aged a day 

Alfre Woodard: I've yet to see her in a movie i didn't end up loving

Jenifer Lewis: if she were Nigerian, she would definitely by Mama G 2.0


and of course, my fabulous, flawless, FLOTUS. She was made to be first lady. I feel bad for whomever is Presido in 2016 cuz his wife won't have nothing on my Auntie Chelly lol.
This list went on way longer than intended and there's still so many people missing. Part 2 coming eventually.
Have a great weekend. And Happy Easter in advance.

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

When Will People Learn?

There are 2 very specific rules I have about winning the lottery. Very specific and very important rules.

1. Whether you win $100 or $100000000, keep ya gah damn mouth shut about it. Jeez. How difficult is that? I told my mama, look here, if i win the lotto, i'm not tellin a soul. Not you, not my daddy, not my siblings, not my bestie, not the wonderful people of blogsville. Nobody. The only people that will know i won are me, Jesus, and the people in the lottery office that cut my check! Of course i'm gonna break some of my loved ones off with some cash (considering i win a large amount of money) but you better take that "anonymous" donation and my discreet head nod and shut your dirty mouth too! How many people need to be murdered or taken advantage of before folks realize that the love of money truly is the root of all evil? Family and friends can and will turn on you just as quick, if not quicker than a damn stranger. (See: Abraham Shakespeare and Urooj Khan)

2. Don't go balls to the wall buying a whole bunch of extravagant unnecessary nonsense! Yes, $1mil seems like a lot of money...but money doesn't last if you're out there spending it (or giving it away or burning it or whatever folks do that leaves them broke in the long run) I know if you were broke your entire life, the idea of being able to live lavish is probably ridiculously appealing (especially if you have no knowledge of money management and fiscal responsibility). Likewise, being in a position to help your broke friends and others in need may make you extra charitable. But yo, if you're gonna do all that, the least you can do is take care of home first! And taking care of home does not mean buying a mansion to rival buckingham palace or buying a different car for everyday of the week...especially when you have children, bills, and debt. (See: Sharon Tirabassi)

Long story short- if you win the lotto, please be smart, please stay safe, and please break Lady Ngo off a couple of dollars.

Good Day!

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

$h!t Matters



See this is exactly why you, as a woman (or as a man), should have your late night rendezvous at your own damn house. If shit has to happen, at least let it be in your own toilet and avoid all this embarrassment/awkwardness/jokes at your expense. Or at least avoid foods that are gonna give you problems. Can't front, this was hilarious though. And oh the sweet irony that i saw this the very same day i made plans to visit a friend of mine for an extended period of time. Had to hit google real quick and see what foods to avoid lol.

Sunday, March 24, 2013

If i went back to a hoopty from a benz

would you *poof* and disappear like some of my friends?
If i was hit and i was hurt, would you be by my side?
If it was time to put in work, would you be down to ride?

Where am i going with this other than reminding ya'll about my thug life??? I'll tell you.

So as i'm sitting here, playing a game on my trusty-dusty laptop and bumping my throwback jams, i stumbled upon this B2K song from the Pandemonium album. It's called Would You Be Here. Have a listen:


So i'm listening to the song and i can't help but think to myself: Damn yo, B2K was spitting some realness back then! Of course, in 2002-2003 my answer would have been "hayle naw i won't be here, broke bitch. get ya self together, then come holla at me!" lol. I was so fiesty in my teen years.

Don't get me wrong, i'm still a princess out here looking for my prince so that in short time we can move up to being King and Queen (or at least Duke and Duchess). But, its still a good question. Would you be here if i had nothin, would u be here if i was strugglin, would you be here at any cost?

Friday, March 22, 2013

Freaky Friday

You know what makes me laugh? When i hear dudes talk that nonsense about how they want a lady in the streets but a freak in the sheets. Oh, you poor misguided fools. LOL. I remember a little while back one of the blogs i follow (written by a delusional man of course) did a post about how they don't understand why ladies like to hold back in the bed and how men want nothing more than for their women to let their inner freak out. I read it and all i could think was LIES LIES LIES.

Aside from the fact that "freak" is a LARGELY subjective phrase, most men don't actually want a freak. They just want a chick that likes (or is at least willing) to do the things that they want to do. Honestly, what really boils down too is that most men aren't even freaks themselves (sans those individuals that are into that extreme fetishy type stuff).

I can assure you that if ya chick tells you that she wants to shove her 11in battery-operated-boyfriend up your rectum, then pull it out and shove it down your throat while she takes a dump on your chest, you would be none too pleased. I'm just sayin.

Moral of the story: Its the weekend and some of ya'll will be out looking for that lil freak...be careful what you wish for.


Disclaimer: i don't know any of this stuff from personal experience *adjusts halo and walks out*

Thursday, March 21, 2013

Just Cuz...

Hey guys. There's so much i wanna talk about, but i don't wanna. So imma just do this 100 Truths thing that everyone has been doing. I doubt (m)any of ya'll will actually read it because i know i've only read about 20 truths on any given post but yeah...here goes:

1. Last drink:: CranApple juice.
2. Last phone call:  My mom to let her know i was on my way home.
3. Last text message: Someone telling me they were glad to hear i made it home safe.
4. Last song you listened to: Started From Bottom (i think) by Drake
5. Last time you cried:  Last week when i read about Jonylah Watkins

SIX HAVE YOU EVER:
6. Dated someone twice: I've backslid before lol.
7. Been cheated on: Yup.
8. Kissed someone: Yes'm.
9. Lost someone special: Quite a few people.
10. Been depressed: Something like that
11. Been drunk and threw up: Nope.
 
LIST FOUR FAVORITE COLOURS:
12. Red
13. Blue
14. Black
15. White
 
HAVE YOU:
16. Made new friends:  Anywho who has friends has done this. Nobody is born your friend lol
17. Fallen out of love: Yeah, i guess so.
18. Laughed until you cried: All the time.
19. Met someone who changed you: Yup, for the better and for the worst.
20. Found out who your true friends were: I suppose so.
21. Found out someone was talking about you: Yup, some dude i don't even half know went around tellin people that he saw me having a 3some the summer after high school graduation.
22. Kissed anyone on your friends list: you mean on fb? Yup.
23. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life: Most of them actually...which is nuts
25. Do you have any pets: I had 2 dogs for the past weekend but in my everyday life, the only pet i have is my little brother
26. Do you want to change your name: No, for what?
27. What did you do for your last birthday: Went to a wedding
28. What time did you wake up today:  i'ont even know lol. Today was my vacay-recuperate day.
29. What were you doing at midnight last night: Blog stalking.
30. Name something you CANNOT wait for: To be Bill Gates/Oprah wealthy.
31. Last time you saw your father:  The one i share DNA with? like 20 years ago or so.
32. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: I'd probably made better use of my loans (or better yet, find more scholarships) so i wouldn't be in so much freakin debt right now
33. What are you listening to right now: The TV.
34. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: My old roomie's bestie's name was Tom lol.
35. What’s getting on your nerves right now?: The fact that i'm back home and not where i wish i still was
36. Most visited webpage: probably tumblr
37. Current city: Sanford, FL
38. Nicknames: Jen, JenJen, Jenni, Jennifart, Bootris, Betty, Magabo, Jenora, Jenny Picalo Ice Cream Jones, Nemo, and a whole bunch of others. Why people can't just call me Jennifer is beyond me lol
39. Relationship Status: Something akin to single
40. Zodiac Sign: Sexy Sagittarius
41. Male or female or transgendered: Female.
42. Primary School: East School, then Smith Street School when i moved
43. Middle School: Turtle Hook.
44. High school: Uniondale High School.
45. Hair color:  darkest brown
46. Long/medium/short: idk, medium i guess but i'm sure its long to some people lol.
47. Height: 5′ 5.5”
48. Do you have a crush on someone: When don't i have a crush on someone?
49: What do you like about yourself: That i'm bout my business and i have a mind of my own. Never been big on peer pressure. Im sure that's part of what my parents like a but me too lol
50. Piercings: none, anywhere.
51. Tattoos: None.
52. Righty or Lefty: Righty
 
FIRSTS:
53. First Surgery: None, and i pray it stays that way.
54. First Piercing: Nunca.
55. First Best Friend: I don't remember her at all but they say her name was Arielle. First one i remember was Latora.
56. First Sport you Joined: Does Cheerleading/Step Team count?
57. First Pet: Never had any
58. First Vacation: Um, Orlando (ironically).
59. First Concert: Scream 2 tour in 2002 w/ Bow Wow, IMx, and B2K.
60. First Crush: A guy named Henry.
 
RIGHT NOW:
61. Eating: Nothing.
62. Drinking: Nothing
63. Already missing: ATL.
64. I’m about to: finish these questions.
65. Listening to: A Tyler Perry movie, I Can Do Bad or something like that
66. Thinking about: Why i started answerin all these damn questions.
67. Waiting for: Nothing really i guess.
 
YOUR FUTURE:
68. Want kids: Nope, not particularly?
69. Want to get married: I want the wedding...the husband, idk yet lol.
70. Careers in mind: Housewife extraordinaire! No, ok (._. )
 
WHICH IS BETTER WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX?
71. Lips or eyes: Por que no los dos?
72. Hugs or kisses: Seriously, por que no los dos? I need both
73. Shorter or taller: Taller, s'il vous plait.
74. Older or Younger: Doesn't really matter.
75. Romantic or spontaneous: Romantic. I'm a planner, i don't do spontaneous like that.
76. Nice stomach or nice arms: If i could only get one, i go for the arms.
77. Sensitive or loud: I wasn't aware that sensitive and loud were opposites/mutually exclusive.
78. Hook-up or relationship: Relationship nau, unless my hook-up knows how to act.
79. Trouble maker or hesitant: what?
 
HAVE YOU EVER:
81. Drank hard liquor: Of course. What ya'll know about that overproof?!? Everclear, Devil's Spring, Bacardi 151.
82. Lost glasses/contacts: Don't need either, thankfully.
83. Kissed on 1st date: Yes.
84: Broken someone’s heart: See all of this goodness? Of course i've broken hearts lol.
85. Had your own heart broken: Yup, the guy finished me o. But i'm good
86. Been arrested: Hayle naw!
87. Turned someone down: Yes.
88. Cried when someone died: Yeah.
89. Liked a friend that is of the same sex: I don't think so, but there's some female celebs that i'd holla at if i were a different type of chick.
 
DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
90. Yourself: If not me, then who?
91. Miracles: I'm not even sure i know what a miracle is supposed to be. I believe in God's will, good/dumb luck, and hard work.
92. Love at first sight: No such thing my friend, unless you are a shallow somebody
93. Heaven: Yeah, but reincarnation would be cool too i think.
94. Santa Claus: I'm sure someone in the history of the world named Santa has existed...
95. Kissing on the first date: If that what you wanna do or what happens then boom does the dynamite
96. Angels: I don't see why not
 
ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
97. Is there one person you want to be with right now?: Yeah
98. Had more than one boyfriend/girlfriend at one time?: No, ain't nobody got time for that. You know how freaking needy men are? Like giant babies without the diapers. But i'm sure if i were a dude, i'd probably be guilty of it lol.
99. Wish you could change things in your past?: Who doesn't?
100. Are you posting this as 100 Truths?:  Technically the post is called "Just Cuz..." but yeah.

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Bribery and Perceptions

Something weird happened to me a week or two ago. A friend (honestly, more like an associate) tried to bribe me in order to do him a favor. It wasn't an obvious bribe. He called and made small talk, then said some nice things, offered to do something for me, then casually slipped in that he needed a favor from me and in a roundabout way said that he had already obligated me to doing the favor anyway.

The favor in and of itself wasn't that big of a deal...though it was pretty important. I would have gladly done it even without all the extra bs. And to be honest, it all happened so fast that i just said yeah sure, its not a problem at all- because it really wasn't.

But once i actually sat and thought about what had just transpired, i felt some kind of way about it. Like, did this dude really feel like it was necessary to legit bribe me to do a simple favor? Or did he just think i was too stupid to realize that he was buttering me up?

I thought i was going to be mad about it. But really, i'm just kinda hurt. For someone who knows me (or at least my persona) well enough to even ask for such a favor to go to such lengths bothers me. It bothers me not just because its kinda foul, but because anyone who knows me knows that i'm a soft touch. If you ask me for something or for assistance with something, if its in my power (and even sometimes when its not), i'm going to help you. That's just the kind of person that I am.

But it definitely had me questioning how i am perceived. Do i give off the vibe that you need to kiss my ass in order for me to do something for you? I didn't think so, but who knows?

Monday, March 11, 2013

What kind of hot nonsense is this?

In a bout of insomnia, i found myself web-surfing and i come across this story on facebook (via amebor.com). Basically, an 8 year old boy married a 60-something year old woman in an effort to appease their ancestors whom the family said came to them and said that the lil boy must get married.

Thankfully, this was just a wedding for show, not for real. As in, they didn't sign any documents and the lil boy will continue living with his parents and going to school and all that. But come on. Why even do all of this? And to top it off, the boy's family paid GBP500 to the bride and another GBP1000 for the wedding itself. GBP1500..and for what?

From the article, the lil boy doesn't seem to be effected by this whole thing one way or the other, which im thankful for. But i seriously don't understand why this was necessary.

For the full story, click here

Thursday, March 7, 2013

My Discovery

Dropping it like it's hot is the easy part...


Its getting back up that's the struggle! I'm gettin old. My limbs and joints don't wanna cooperate with my sexy these days. SMH. I guess the next time i hear D'Prince ask me to identify my selling point, i'll have to leave my stripper moves off the list...at least until i get this situation straight.

Its a sad day in Lady Ngo's World folks!



Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Adam and Eve, Not Adam and...

I'm sure we've all heard the anecdote that man isn't supposed to lay with another man because God created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve. I, personally have wondered why this anecdotal evidence doesn't lend itself to other theories of human sexuality. Particularly the widespread sexist/misogynistic belief that men have higher libidos and are by nature "hard wired" to cheat, spread their seed, be polygamous, etc.

If men aren't supposed to be gay because God created Adam and Eve and not Adam and Steve, then i'd like to add that men aren't supposed to behave like feral beasts roaming the bush because God created Adam and Eve and not Adam and Eve and Tiffany and Stacy, and Cassandra, and Melissa.

Just a thought!


Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Imajin

Ugh, Single Nigerian Man took me on serious trip down memory lane yesterday with his post which featured the still so sexy Olamide Faison.

I had a super duper ridiculously huge crush on him during my pre-teen/early teen years. Back then he was in the group Imajin. Imajin is something like a remake of Soul 4 Real, IMx (nee Immature), and Hi-Five. You know, in the 90s all the black boy bands kinda had the same vibe. .

Anywho, so yes he was such a handsome lil thing. Then to find out his name was Olamide Aladejobi... How amped was i to see a young gorgeous and NIGERIAN artist to swoon over. And to elevate the situation even further, i found out he was Donald Faison's little brother...which caused me to believe that Donald Faison (whom i was crushing on from Clueless and Waiting to Exhale) was Nigerian too. The guy's middle name is Adeosun afterall. Hello threesome

But alas, my awe was short lived. I found out that they weren't really Nigerian. Not that that really makes a difference, they were still both fine. But also, Imajin just kinda fell out of existence. I was really sad too. I remember buying one of their singles and then waiting and waiting and waiting for their album to drop. I'm still waiting. I'm pretty sure the CD came out but i could never find a record store that sold it. And boy did i look lol. Oh well. Its still good to know that lil Olamide is still making music and being beautiful (^_^)


Friday, March 1, 2013

Golden

Its March guys! Hope everyone is doing well and that this month brings great things. I'm in ridiculously high spirits for whatever reason. But i'm not gonna question it...just gonna ride the wave.

Have a good weekend :)