Monday, December 30, 2013

Rocket Til Waterfalls

Hello all you beautiful people of blogsville (and beyond). I hope you all had a fabulous holiday and are looking forward to a super splendiforous new year. 2013 certainly went by quickly. And as predicted we are in the thralls of "engagement season" (which is my opinion usually goes from Thanksgiving to Valentine's Day). I've seen so many engagement announcements, i've honestly lost count. From the one's who've been with their boo for a million years (aka the it's about damn time folks) to the ones who i didn't even know had a boo thang...and everyone in between. Congrats to them all. *makes mental note to start saving money*
Coincidentally, this is how i know i'm old. I honestly didn't even think i had any friends left that hadn't walked down the aisle yet. SMH.
Anyhow, everyone's getting boo'd up. And i'm just over here gettin drunk lol.
Making "Parrot Bay Pinada" during Christmas

Sippin on a "i just drove 7 hours from Florida to Georgia and have to be at work at 7:45 in the morning aka Red Rooster (quite yummy i might add)

Ironically, I saw this video right after someone called me talking about they are waiting to hear i've fallen in love and am bringing somebody to Nigeria to do introductions and all that (who exactly i'd be doing introductions with in Naija when both my parents are in the states, i don't know lol):

Wednesday, December 25, 2013

This Christmas

Merry Christmas everybody. (Or Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanzaa, Happy Winter Solstice, Happy Festivus for the rest of us...whatever you celebrating, be happy). I hope that you are with friends/loved ones, keeping warm, sharing laughs and well wishes, eating good, and feeling even better. I'll be spending my Christmas in sunny florida trying to figure out this Galaxy Tab i just got for BirthMas (don't ask) and entertaining my niece.

I'd also like to take this time out to thank you all for the birthday wishes. Love you all.

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Ain't it funny

I find it funny that men get all up in arms if a woman says all men are the same even though for the most part they are. Yet these same men will turn around and give you "man advice" because they know how men think.

If all men aren't the same, then how can you say you know how all men think? If all men are different, wouldn't it be more accurate to say that you only know how YOU think?!?

Yeah. Thought so.

Monday, December 16, 2013

Can we take a second to talk about King Bey?!?

So...i'm nowhere near being a Beyonce stan. Hell, i'm barely a regular fan. I don't believe she pisses sunshine and shits rainbows. No ma'am. I just started bumping Dance For You and Love On Top like 6 months ago. Both those songs came out in like 2011. I didn't even know Dance For You wasn't a new song until i went looking for the video.

Having said all that, let me say this:

Beyonce just shitted on everyone's entire existence with this new album!

Like, seriously. I like THIS Beyonce. I don't even know what happened. All i know is when Drunk In love comes on, I be in MY ZONE! 

And Partition...i had to rewind that numerous times and make sure i was hearing what i was hearing correctly. Beyonce's a freak yo. Do your thang ma'am! Even tho that's gross to think about her and Jay doing the grown-up. *shudders* 

Anywho, Superpower...i'm only here for it because the boo-thang Frank Ocean is on it lol.

Pretty Hurts...thats some real talk. But i came to get turnt on up so not today with that. 

Yonce went hard. Beat was sick and the flow was too. *sneezed on the beat and the beat got sicker*

Thats as far as i've gotten so far. Oh and Flawless (which has people all over the place). I didn't listen to the whole song (the whole bow down bitches thing was throwing me off lol) but i actually did like it. 

Mrs. Knowles-Carter did her thing.

The one thing i'm not impressed by is the whole "she dropped a whole album with no promotion, blah blah blah" cuz i mean..everyone who makes an album, makes a whole album lol. What i WOULD like to know is who the hell was the first person who realized that she dropped said album and how considering there was no promotion. Because in the span of like seconds, so it seems, that shit took over the entire webiverse.

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Blame it on the holidays

I want babies.

But i don’t want them.

And nothing in me is interested in childbirth.

I want to adopt.

But i also wanna experience pregnancy.

But i don’t really wanna be pregnant.

I don’t feel like i’m going to be one of those people who feels like they “missed out on something” by not having kids.

Hell i don’t even feel like i’d be missing anything by not getting married.

But i still sorta want all those things.

Damn social conditioning.

Tuesday, December 10, 2013

In all seriousness

There are a lot of broken people in this world. Which is why (imho) most things that have become "normal" are so ridiculously fucked up.

Monday, December 9, 2013

Is it bad that...

I never made love? I never did it. But i sure know how to...

yeah, anywayz.

Is it bad that i literally only bought/watch I, Robot for that scene in the very beginning when Will Smith is in the shower?!?

Is it bad that i can totally see myself walking into my (or your) wedding just like this?

Is it bad that its almost 7pm and i'm still in my pajamas?

Is it bad that this is definitely some ish i would do?

Is it bad that this is like my anthem:

Friday, December 6, 2013

Office Crushes

Well the topic of office crushes has come up. And since ThisLagosGirl is in constant demand for the details of my messy ass life here goes...

So i have something like 3 office crushes. More like 2.25 lol.

The first one...i don't even know what i'm thinking. He looks like a giant milk dud lol. But he's nice. And he has an ass that clearly was designed by the hand of the Almighty. Mmm. He's married though so i'm not even tryna look at that.

The second one...he's clearly on some A Pimp Named Slickback type stuff lol. I say i'm messy, but THIS DUDE is messy! It would not surprise me at all to hear him involved in some sort of scandal. If only you all could hear some of the off the cuff remarks that he makes to me lol. He is truly off the chain. And he can bake. He came tipping past here the other day with some cake leftover from Thanksgiving. It was super sweet but it was delicious! And supposedly his cooking skills match he baking skills. I'm bout to tell him to whip me up a birthday cake or something. *sidenote* this is the person i went on my work date with lol

The .25 is nothin really. He's just adorable and he has nice arms and a nice back. And he's the only person here that's around the same age as me. But i'm good on that. I do refer to him as my work spouse- though i have petitioned for divorce numerous times over the 4 months we've been working together.

Have a good weekend everybody.

ETA: R.I.P. Nelson Mandela

Thursday, December 5, 2013

Feminine Wiles

I'm sitting here in my office and a lady that works in the next building over walked in. She looked around for a second then asked why there weren't any men in here lol.

I asked her what she needed and she said that she wanted to fill her cooler with ice but didn't know how she was going to get it back to her office because it would be too heavy for her to carry. I told her i'd help her. I wasn't doing anything that couldn't wait a few minutes.

So we get to filling the cooler up and she turns to me and says we really need a man to help do this. Girl go out in that hallway, show some leg and get one in here! 

Of course thinking she was joking i laughed and went to look outside and see if anyone was around. The only person i saw was taking a nap on the couch so i wasn't about to disturb him.

She looked up at me and said Girl i said show some leg. Come on now. I know you can do it. When i was your age if i showed some leg i'd have three men doing backflips to get in here and help by now.


I did eventually get someone to come and help. But that's cuz he already has a crush on me. No leg required. But i wonder if randomly showing leg would have worked.

Tuesday, December 3, 2013


Messy = going out of your way to stir up trouble, controversy, drama, etc.; doing nothing to stop impending drama, controversy, etc; reveling in controversy, drama, etc

In my life, messiness usually manifests itself in the way of flirtation and all the stuff that leads to. Although sometimes it comes in the form of Extreme Shade Throwing and Reads of Epic Proportion. If these were Olympic events, i guarantee that I have the ability to bring home gold medals.


So like i said previously, i've been ultra messy lately. Re-connecting with people i probably have NO BUSINESS WHAT SO EVER reconnecting with, flirting with people that i know i shouldn't be flirting with, and letting people attempt to set P *heavy emphasis on attempt* Here's a few examples:

  1. I kinda sorta in a way stole somebody's man lol. And boy is this babe furious over it. As in she has been like stalking me for about 5 months now. Sending all manner of crazy messages. I honestly am just waiting for her to go completely off the deep end. The thing about it is, she's mad at me because the dude that she's been doing Sugar Mama/Sugar Baby things with, has expressed interest in me. How that's my fault, i don't know. I haven't said anything to her because its all so ridiculous and she's like twice my age. But yeah, shit's wild.
  2. There are all these guys at my job- not co-workers but actual students- that insist on flirting with me. I think the drawback of working at a junior college is that most people are grown. Half these "kids" that try their hand are my age or older. And as such they chose to play the "we're both grown" card when i let them know that they are crossing the line of professionalism and i'm not about to lose my damn job over some probably mediocre D. 
  3. There's been one person i decided to give my number to since i've been here. I honestly have like no interest whatsoever. He's nice and all but um yeah. Not happening without a MAJOR intervention. What can i say, i was bored. Anyhow, now i think i might have to change my number lol. Despite all the ignoring, the guy is still pretty persistent.
  4. About this re-connecting thing. I have been in contact with someone from my past. I've blogged about him here before but in an effort to pretend to lend him some anonymity, i won't say who. When i started writing this post, things hadn't gotten too outta hand. But then outta nowhere, Lawd Jesus its a fire! A major declaration (on my fb page no less) of the torch that he carries for me is still burning BRIGHTLY and he just wants any ol' body to know apparently. The guy just dey spoil my market. lol. But we talked (away from fb eyes) and things have calmed way down now.
There's a lot more messiness going on but i think this is sufficient. Sorry it took so long to type this up. My Thanksgiving was effing BANANAS. I didn't see my own house from Thursday morning til Sunday night/almost monday morning lol. Hope everyone had as good of a Turkey Day as i did. And for those whom that doesn't apply, hope your month is off to a fabulous start. 12 days til my bday! 22 days til Christmas!