Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Road Trip! And why you should probably never take one with me

I just went on a beast of a mini road trip. 5.5hrs up, 5.5hrs down...by myself...with little to no sleep...in the span of like 24 hours. On this journey, i've come to the realization that i'm probably the worst person in the world to take a road trip with. Here's my top 10 reasons why (isn't it sad that there's more than 10 reasons lol):

  1. I hate driving long distances when i actually have somewhere to go. Before gas prices shot through the roof, it was nothing for me to meander the streets for hours at a time. But when i actually have to drive someplace...forget about it. So if you roadtrip with me, don't expect me to be of much help with the driving.
  2. I have no problem going to sleep and leaving you bored/alone while you do all the driving. And i dare you to get an attitude about it or try and wake me up!
  3. I complain...a lot. I will be the one constantly asking "For heaven's sake, are we there yet? Well why not? What's taking so long? I was asleep for forever and we're still in the same state? Geez."
  4. I don't like bridges and will harass you to no end if you don't drive in the middle lane. I've been like this since i was a kid. I think its a combination of not knowing how to swim and watching too many movies where people careen off a bridge into the ocean.
  5. I play my music...LOUD.
  6. I also sing...in English, Spanish, Portuguese, French, Igbo, Yoruba, Hausa, Ga, Twi, Lingala, Creole, Pidgin, Patois...you name it. If i know the words, or am reasonably good at mimicking what the words sound like, i'm singing along. At the top of my lungs. And i dare you to say anything!
  7. It is very likely that i will be molesting the seat of your car with my copious amounts of gyrating to the music. Dont judge me. Just be glad that i'm fully clothed and leather can't get you pregnant (cuz i'd sue for full custody of the car if its nice)
  8. In the event that you coerce me into helping drive, i should let you know that i drive like a mad woman. Speed limit says 50mph? Who cares, we're doing 95mph! Person in front of us is driving like an old bitch too slow? Zip into the next lane, glare at them as you pass then cut back in front of them. Yeah, it'll be a wild ride.
  9. I also have ridiculous amount of road rage (i'm working on it though). Prepare thine ears.
  10. And last but not least, contrary to all i've just said, i'm like the road safety police. You better have your seat belt fastened at all times, there better not be any monkey business going on, that better not be alcohol i smell, you are definitely not allowed to smoke...even if the window is down and you're in the back seat where the likelihood of me smelling it is minimal, and don't you dare fall asleep while im driving and miss out on my singing, dancing, cussing and speeding!
The only positives i can think of are that i hardly ever ask for rest breaks and i try to refrain from eating offensive smelling food when in the car. Oh and i bring the best snacks! LOL

2 comments:

  1. LMAOOOO!!!!! U sound like well........er.....well!!! LMAOOOO
    I had to do loads of road trips when I was in school. 7hrs from school to the house and vice versa was no joke. I think I made quite a decent partner especially since I couldnt drive. I attempted bringing snacks.....unless I was road-tripping with Nigerians, it rarely was ever fully appreciated...why?
    My snacks comprised of chin-chin, meat pie.....that kinda stuff...lol..No cheetos, fritos love!
    I rarely slept and would probably take permission to do so. Never was a bathroom break person. Wouldnt complain much for smoking....(is it my car?!) Would chip in for gas.
    BUT, I am almost sure that those dynamics might change now that I can drive and if the road trip is happening with my car!

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  2. Not a problem. One of 2 things... One has to do with topless and the other has to do with leaving you on a bridge..
    Your list is crazy.. LOL!!

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