Friday, October 12, 2012

Foodie things

I am very VERY particular about my food. I'm probably the most finicky eater on the planet. If it doesn't sound right, look right, or smell right...i'm not eating it. Nope. And even the stuff i do eat, it needs to be prepared juuuuuuuust so. When it comes to Nigerian food, i'm strictly a snacks/small chops kinda girl. Things that i always assumed people couldn't get wrong. But i've definitely been disappointed in the past.

How can you make meat pie with no meat? Literally just potato, onion and vegetable. Who does that? Such people deserve 2 hot slaps. One for false advertisement and another for good measure! Similarly, fish is not an acceptable substitute unless explicitly stated. I can't imagine the level of disappointment. It must be similar to opening your fridge, seeing a tub of ice cream and finding egusi inside instead (or at least thats what i heard lol) I did meet one girl who made the absolute best meat pie i've ever had in my entire life! I asked her if she was married and offered to pay her bride price on the spot lol.

I went to a party and there was puff-puff there. Of course i was excited because i only know like 1 person that ever makes puff puff and she doesn't make it often (and i refuse to make it myself). I go to bite into my snack and damn near lost a tooth! Puff Puff should not be harder than chin chin. Please take note.

Another party i went to, i got a nice big heaping helping of jollof rice. Like super huge portion. Now i know most people prefer "party rice" but I do not. And had i known that thats what was going down i would've eaten something else lol. That smoky flavor was sooooooo overpowering. It literally felt like i was eating charcoal. All i could see in my head was someone back in their backyard cooking the rice over a log and open flame lol. A lil smoke is okay but i still feel like i should be able to taste the rice.

Ah, this life. I feel bad for any potential spouse that feels like i should do all the cooking. Maybe i should put that in a pre-nup. Thou shall not cheat, philander, nor file for divorce due to issues relating to my cooking and thine palate.

Disclaimer: I mean no offense to those who enjoy hella smoky jollof rice, rock hard puff puff, or meatless meat pie. 

Sidenote: man, the VP debate last night was a freaking slaughter. Biden went IIIIIIINNNNNNNNNN! Uncle Joe was having none the republicans' bullshiggidy and shenanigans last night!!! If he weren't married, he could definitely be my sugar daddy. Oh did i mention that i'm in the market for a sugar daddy (or to be a kept woman)? Cuz that's the back-up plan in case this whole finding gainful employment thing doesn't work out. lol- i'm laughing but i'm serious.

20 comments:

  1. You probably got buns and not puff puff. There's no way with the yeast that puff puff can ever be hard.

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    1. LOL, i was exaggerating about how hard it was. It was definitely puff puff but it was old...it probably was soft when it was fresh but by the time it made it to my plate it was very tough, like old bread.

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  2. Sweetheart the solution to what you are facing- finding soft puff puff, delicious party rice, husband, generous sugar daddy...-is simple. Relocate to Nigeria. You'll probably find yourself working with the Board of Education or an Educator as Lekki British Int'l School getting 5 times what you'll earn in the USA.

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    1. Are you offering to be my husband/generous sugar daddy?

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  3. I can be particular about food too -always has to be the right taste and look.
    You are in the market for a Sugar daddy? Go on with your bad self!

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    1. LOL, not really. I don't even like to ask my parents for money, i can't imagine asking a man for money. And worse, having to pay him back with nature's credit card #IfYouKnowWhatIMean

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  4. who eats meatless meatpie? answer vegetarians but i agree with you it should't be called meat pie if it aint got no meat in it

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    1. yes vegetarians would i suppose. there are definitely other ethnic names they can call it though if they aren't going to put meat in it.

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  5. Add tooth breaking meat to the equation and some u'll just want to hurry home from the party... How about peppery moi moi? Some caterers should even be lefT to feed animals let alone people at parties!

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    1. Yeah, its kinda why i don't like some people's suya. Its either too rough or too fatty. Peppery moi moi...i can't lol. I like my moi moi sooooo plain. Its really just a palate cleanser to me between real foods.

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  6. Meat pie without meat? LOL
    please there's no excuse for that one jare

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  7. Must sugar daddies insist on the ability to make at least one puff-puff. *Sigh* I'll see what I can do.

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  8. I love meat pie and moin moin and do-do. I don't think I like chin chin and puff puff much. maybe because I am thinking of the carbs and oil. nonetheless I love cooking, and love small chops too! However, what annoys me is when I am eating food and the meat isn't properly cleaned or someone didn't descale the fish properly. I immediately loose my appetite!

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    1. Oh yes, any unexpected surprises in my food is enough to make me throw up on the spot!

      I like moin moin. I used to be a plantain fanatic when i was really little (like still sitting in a baby seat little lol) but not as much anymore. I still love chin chin and puff puff but i gotta admit that after i made them myself the first time i was just floored by how much oil is used. No good.

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  9. Meatpie without meat is a crime against humanity

    Some other food crimes:
    - Tough, stringy meat
    - Stones in rice, beans etc
    - Jollof rice that isnt red
    - Loose fish bones in a soup
    - Smoothies with big lumps of fruits

    Can you tell I like food? LOL

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    1. Hahahaha, i see like me you are particular about your food too. When i rule the world i'll be sure to note your food crimes in the criminal code :)

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    2. Meatless Meatpie is deffo a crime against humanity/culture. What!! especially if the Caterer is in the West where meat is affordable in all varieties.

      My palates are partial to well prepared food but that's about all..lol

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  10. Puts hand down halfway in anticipation of the slap that is surely coming.

    As for the meatpie tales, I shall not add to your tales.

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