Tuesday, January 31, 2012

The past and the present

Do people really think divorce ( or at least the idea or desire for it) is new? I don't know how or why. I've heard so many times over "back in our (grand)parents day, people worked harder to keep their marriage together". First of all, how do you know that? Were you there? Back in our (grand)parents day, people didn't have as many life options which is why they (mostly women- it always has and probably always will be a man's world) weren't so quick to jump on the divorce bandwagon. I doubt highly that we can attribute it ALL to a harder work ethic. Shoot, there are still plenty of people in our day who are dead serious when they tell their children "you're married now, don't you bring your tail back to mama/papa house!" or "whatever you are doing to make him hit/yell/cheat on you, figure it out and stop doing that". Now if you were a woman, living in 1930s *insert community here*, with no college education, no possibility of getting a job, and have to deal with major social/religious stigma of being a divorcee...would you be as quick to think of divorce as a viable option? Didn't think so.

Now don't get me wrong, I do firmly believe that a lot of marriages end in divorce because people go into them without preparation, without being prayerful, and outright just being too lazy to put in work when the going gets tough. But just because your parents, grandparents, or whomever from yesteryear were married for 60 years, doesn't mean it was because they worked at it. Nor does it mean that they were a happy 60 years.

I know i'm beating a dead horse here but this one has been sitting in my drafts for a while now and well, YOLO so i figured i'd just go ahead and post it lol.

Monday, January 30, 2012

Dear YOU

YOU confuse me very much

Sometimes i think YOU are going right, but then YOU go left

I think i have YOU all figured out and then YOU throw me for a loop

I assume we're on the same page but then i realize YOU are on page 32 while i'm still on page 7

They say the surest way to an answer is by asking a question (actually i think i just made that up...and if i did, im copyrighting it so don't let me catch my phrase anywhere on these e-streets or imma have to layeth the smacketh down...eth!)

But what if i don't want to ask THAT question?

Why can't YOU just read my mind and tell me what i want to hear?

Its not as if its not obvious

YOU skirt around the issue all the time

So why can't YOU just be straightforward with me?

Maybe its the same reason why I can't be straightforward with YOU...

Hmm, a rather poetic...floetic rant, if i do say so myself. Sometimes ranting in a normal paragraph gets boring, no?

Saturday, January 28, 2012

Something i felt like sharing

This is a story i just read on FB. I can't say that it really moved me but maybe it'll move someone else. WARNING: it is a little lengthy

When I got home that night... my wife was serving dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her! With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now. The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again. In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door every morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request. I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully. My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office. On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her. On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. i suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily. Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head. Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’ s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divotrce anymore. She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart. That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I ran up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed -dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was too busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from whatever negative reaction it would have on our son, in case we pushed through with the divorce. —At least, in the eyes of our son—-I’m a loving husband…. THE SMALL DETAILS OF YOUR LIVES ARE WHAT REALLY MATTER IN A RELATIONSHIP. "IT'S NOT" the Mansion or House, the Car, Property, the Money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage! If you don’t share this, nothing will happen to you. If you do, you just might save a marriage. Most of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up... YOU DONT REALIZE WHAT YOU HAVE UNTIL ITS GONE!!

My Life

LOL, one of my co-workers posted this to my facebook group. I'm sure it won't be funny to any (or at least not most) of you, especially if you didn't do your uni in the states and/or didn't live in a dorm/residence hall but it cracked me the hell up.

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Love and Happiness

"There are too many mediocre things in life, love should not be one of them!"

Without a doubt, one of the things that scares me the most about marriage is that its forever...and what if one day i wake up and look at him sleeping on the right (or left) side of the bed and think to myself: "ugh, i wish this muthaf***a would just leave!"

We've moved on from Kim K and Kris Humphries to Seal and Heidi Klum. "Irreconcilable differences" they say...the love has turned mediocre. It's no longer enough to sustain them. Now, as much as i was taken aback by the fact that Seal and Heidi are divorcing, i don't really care. (Quite frankly i'm waiting for Kimora Lee to get a damn divorce so i can have my man back...Djimon Honsou...SEXY). I don't judge my future based on what random joe-blow is going through. But the fact that I can see it as MY reality, is what really worries me.

Of course, the simple solution to this is to make sure you marry someone who you know you aren't going to easily grow tired of. But how do you do that? Obviously if you knew that one day the ocean of love would run dry as the Sahara, you wouldn't marry that person.

So then what can you really do to make sure you don't suffer the fate of mediocre love?

And since we're on the topic of love...Mr Secret Admirer, where did u go?

And if someone would like to be my valentine...that'd be awesome lol (i'm lol'ing but i'm serious)

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

In Remembrance...

On Sunday, January 25, 2009 Dennis Stuart Hayle was taken from us. I couldn't believe it when i heard the news. I cried for a solid week. And here it is 3 year later and i still weep for you Dimples. You were probably one of the sweetest, most positive and lovable people i've ever met in my life. I don't think i've ever heard you raise your voice, frown, or say anything negative. I still miss our random laughs in class. All your silly jokes and comments. The way you'd greet me as "lil nigga...i mean, young lady" lol. And of course, that trademark smile accented by the infamous dimples. You touched the lives of so many people. You were truly an angel on earth and i know that you are resting peacefully in the bosom of our Lord.

Miss you!

Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're going to get -Dennis's final fb status update

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Humpin' and Changin'

As you can see from my tweets, "Hump Day" (aka wednesday) was not a good day for me. Stressful beyond belief. But hump day's over and thursday's about to begin. Time to build a bridge and get the hell over it! #LookingAhead

I've noticed a lot (well maybe not a lot) of things are changing. Things i never used to do, i do. Things i used to do all the time, i've stopped. People that i couldn't imagine living my life without falling by the wayside. People that I couldn't bring myself to cut off have been cut off. Its weird. My mom would say "God is preparing you for something". Who knows. 

3 of my 5 textbooks got delivered today, so that's good...i guess. At least i can pretend to start doing my schoolwork.

I think there should be a law about unattractive men wearing basketball shorts/sweatpants. I saw these 2 gentlemen i know wearing the above mentioned clothing and i could totally see their junk bouncin around in their pants. Hot mess express! Not the visual i was looking for that day (or any day for that matter)

REMINDER: If you want some Valentine's Day luv in the form of a card from Lady Ngo, don't forget to shoot me an email with your info (name, address or email addy for e-cards) and it will be in the mail (or email) by VDay. 

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Its raining luv

Hello lovelies. Valentine's Day is right around the corner. Exciting, right? Yeah, not exciting to me either lol. But in the spirit of the season, i figured i'd show some love to all you hot totties that have been hanging in there through all my madness. So i've decided to send out V-Day cards to my blog buddies, new and old, near and far. If you want one, let a sista know ASAP. Yes i'm giving cards to the womenfolk too if you want it :)

Just drop a comment here, then email me at usfgirl86@yahoo.com with your information (name and complete mailing address- or email address if you prefer an e-card) and we can get the ball rolling :)

Monday, January 16, 2012

I'm black and I'm proud, I'm black and I'm beautiful!

Its been a rough day. Much anger was held, way too many tears shed, and a lot of anxiety filled my spirit. But i'm better now. It is Martin Luther King Jr. Day here in the states and I refuse to spend a day meant to honor his memory and legacy by wallowing in a pool of my own woes and self pity.

Anyhow, i was on fb and saw this:
And yet i'm supposed to believe that we live in a post-racist society. SMH (Hopefully she's just trolling...not that there aren't a bazillion other idiots who think just like this). And the battle marches on...

Waited on you for so long...

I am watching My Fair Wedding with David Tutera and who am i seeing...sexy dude from my "wow" post from back in august. WTF. That was crazy unexpected. So much so that forgot what the hell i was even planning to write.

...Left and came back and still can't remember what i was gonna write about so Monday Randoms it is...

  • Sometimes i hate how much music touches me. I was driving to my parents house the other day and i had my mp3 player on (cuz i rarely listen to the radio) and "Did You Wrong" by Pleasure P came on and outta nowhere i was singing along and crying hysterically. I mean BAWLING, snot running outta my nose, lookin like someone just shot my dog cryin. Hollering at my ex (as if he could actually hear me) You fucking bastard i loved you, you loved me, whyyyyyyy, i hate you, i hope your pinky toe falls off, etc etc.  Yeah...it was like that. But i was taking the toll road home so i had give myself a pep talk and get myself together so the lady at the toll booth wouldn't think i was some sorta crazy person.

  • Somehow i managed to not buy a single textbook this semester. So now i'm in a mad dash to order them so i don't fall crazy far behind in my classes. I'm such a procrastinator!

  • I have a mega craving for pizza. But 6 years later, i still can't rock with the pizza down here. NY pizza is the only pizza for me.

  • So GEJ has agreed to reduce the price of fuel to N97. How do we feel about that?

  • My brother insists that i have a boyfriend. I don't know why he thinks that lol.

  • I was on twitter when i stumbled upon this tweet:

I retweeted it. But now that i think about it, i'm not sure i agree. We are who we are and we behave the way we do based on our experiences so its a little *insert adjective here* to believe that that same pattern wouldn't carry over into our relationships. Sure you shouldn't bring your previous problems into a new relationship, nor should you treat your new boo like a suspect because of some bullshiggity that your last boo did. But i don't think you went through whatever you went through and learned whatever lessons you hopefully learned to start all over again without paying some heed to the shadows of the past. 

  • When did blogger add this "reply" feature where you can now reply to people's comments directly? Me likes it! 

  • Speaking of blogger features, i'm not in love with my blog's look at the moment. It will probably change in the near future.

  • Blogging is losing its luster and appeal. I don't plan on abandoning or anything but i'd be lying if i said i'm still feeling this whole blogging thing like i was before. 

Happy new week everyone. Hope your weekend was good and your week is even better!

Happy Birthday MLK Jr.

Saturday, January 14, 2012

Taking it back...

Some tunes from my throwback collection:

Al Green
Love and Happiness (1972)
Tired of Being Alone (1971)

Gap Band
Yearning For Your Love (1981):

Isley Brothers
Between The Sheets  (1983)
For The Love of You (1975)

Lenny Williams
Cause I Love You (1978):

Teddy Pendergrass
Come and Go With Me (1979):

Close The Door (1978)

Zapp & Roger
I Wanna Be Your Man (1987):

Computer Love (1985)

As you can see, i been on my baby-makin music grind lol

Thursday, January 12, 2012

You better say that!!!

A poetry post ain't a poetry post if i dont shout out my boo Reggie. Miss u sir!

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

And the beat goes on

First i wanna start of this post with a salute to all those students that are out there hustling, holding down multiple jobs while being enrolled full-time. I'm only entering day 3 and I am completely over it lol. My internship is not bad. Its my actual job that is killer. But whatever, i like my job (at times) and i gotta do my internship and go to classes...so what can you do?!? Through it all, i'm always thankful for the opportunities I have so i'm trying to make the very best of it.

Ok, enough of the sappy stuff. The real reason i'm here. Someone hurt my feelings yesterday (didn't i just say enough of the sappy stuff...then automatically start my next sentence with sappy stuff!). Well not really. If anything i was more puzzled than hurt.

So i was at my internship and my eyes were starting to cross from looking at the information on my computer screen so i took a lil break (ssshhh, don't tell anybody about that) and checked my email and fb/twitter. As i'm checking my email, i see a notification that someone has asked me a question on formspring. When i eventually went to check it out, i saw that someone left a comment stating that my views are very "biased" and thats its "wrong"

Now i've actually sat here and wrote a crazy-long response to that allegation...but i deleted it. And then i wrote another one and deleted that too. And then i tried a third post...and yup, deleted that one too. I didn't realize how irate that question/comment (and it's implication) made me...and my level of pissivity came out in every draft i attempted to compose. So, now that i've got my blood pressure back under control, all i will say is that this is MY PERSONAL BLOG, where I share MY PERSONAL VIEWS on issues that I PERSONALLY WANT TO TALK ABOUT. I have never stopped anyone from commenting (i actually welcome it very much and if people stopped commenting, i'd probably stop blogging), the option to comment anonymously has always been there, the option to email me, tweet me or leave me anonymous messages on formspring is open too. So miss me with the bias argument! If you can't take the heat in Lady Ngo's kitchen World, then you can politely make your way to another part of the world wide web.

The funny thing about people who complain about biases...they only complain when the bias isn't in their favor. I'm sure that if whomever that was agreed with everything i wrote...no matter how close-minded or "biased" it may seem, they wouldn't have left that message for me.

Anyways: here some random office pics lol:
door decs from my RA staff

just a regular day on Lady Ngo's desk

when i'm bored i scribble
Disclaimer: i hope my bitchiness did not alarm you. Have a pleasant day!

Monday, January 9, 2012

You don't know me dawg!

I had planned on writing about something else today but @adebsrk's comment from yesterday has really got me thinking. Regardless of how they come into our lives, do we ever really know anyone? #Nope

This whole anonymous formspring romance (though it hasn't exactly been romantic by my definition) has been intriguing and flattering (if this person is forrealsies). But how realistic is it to catch feelings and pursue something with someone you met via blogsville (or any other social media site)?

Well my answer to that is simple: it all depends on what your expectations are!

I agree with the homie @adebsrk when he said that reading someone's blog (or whatever the case may be) can very easily give you a false sense that you actually know that person. If you go into any situation thinking you know the person based off of a few status updates, tweets or blog posts... you are more than likely going to be extremely disappointed by the outcome. Using myself as an example, yes, i pour a lot of who i am into this blog. And yes, if you engage me in a convo via fb, twitter, skype, etc- i'm gonna keep it really real. But even having said all that, I will also say its impossible to "know me" just from those interactions.

Now, does that mean if your only interaction with me thus far has been through blogsville that its impossible for a "connection" to be made? Of course not. But it could and would only work if you come into the game understanding that you know a very small part of who I am. But that's the same with all relationships. You don't meet a lady/gentleman in the library (or whatever venue you use to pick up chicks/dudes) and instantly know all there is to know about them.

I feel like i had another point to make but its almost 1am so i'm just going to wrap it up here.

Sidenote: Do any of you guys Skype/Oovoo? Which one is better? One of my friends was trying to talk me into switching from using Skype to using Oovoo but honestly, is there really a difference?

Sunday, January 8, 2012

put my number in ya phone

It has been a terribly busy 1st week back to work. Training and preparing and welcoming back the residents...its been very crazy. Hopefully, this hysteria is not a sign of things to come. (>_<)

Anywho, how has everyone else been doing? Good i hope! And welcome to the new readers. There's a couple of you. Glad to have you aboard LadyNgo Airlines!!!

Meanwhile in the land of formspring:

maybe...but i would need a name and an email address. Can't just be posting my phone number on the internet for everyone to see!
FYI: you can always visit www.formspring.me/ngozi86 to see answers to questions you ask that i might not post on the blog .

Anywho- to say i'm thoroughly entertained and intrigued by these formspring questions and comments is an understatement. So i'm just gonna keep riding this out. #KeepEmComin

Have a good day all and an even better week ahead!

Thursday, January 5, 2012

I'm Getting Nervous

I'm very nervous about this semester...and everything that it means for me academically. This really is my "show and prove" semester. Now that i'm out of the "newbie" stage at work, i know i'm gonna be held a lot more accountable for stuff. I have a brand new member on my staff and i know she's going to have tons of questions that hopefully i can answer lol. #BlindLeadingTheBlind. I have my internship. I'm doing a course as an independent study for the first time (which basically means i have to teach myself the entire course and rely on myself to stick to all my deadlines and such). I (hopefully) will be attending my first professional conference for my field in March. I need to find a permanent job for after graduation. Its just going to be a really crazy semester that is going to set the tone for...my life, basically. No Pressure
Also this marriage business...really got me thinking. Yeah, im sure whomever wrote that message to me was playing a joke but forreal...i'd be a complete and total liar if i said the thought hadn't crossed my mind about when something like that (i.e. marriage) would come to pass. Funny enough, a couple of days after that whole fiasco, me and my mother spent a good hour talking about engagement rings. How much they cost, what cut of diamond looks the best, what kind of setting i would like, etc. After our conversation, i went to my room (well, the guest room) laid down and thought to myself "Did i really just spend an hour talking about engagement rings and there is nary a suitor/toaster in sight?!?" LOL. Thats not even the 1st time we've talked about this. My mother is constantly after me with her classic question of "So is Brianna the only grandchild i'm going to get?" Not to mention her "i'm not saying you need to get married/have kids, but if you're going to....

...you might wanna get on that!" spiel. Personally, i'm not in any rush...especially for parenthood. Can u picture me as someone's mother?!? lol. Anywho, so like i said i'm in no rush...but the idea of being Mrs blankity-blank still cross my mind. Probably whats most disturbing is that when the thought of being a old lonely spinster crosses my mind, it doesn't bother me nearly as much as i imagine it should!
Lastly, I wait with bated breath to see what is going to happen in Nigeria. Is something substantive going to come of this or are we (and by we i mean ya'll) just blowing smoke? Is the outcome of a "revolution" in Nigeria gonna make things better or make things worse? Will anyone really be satisfied if the only thing that changes is the issue of the fuel subsidy? What of GEJ? If he is impeached, then what will happen? What is the fall back plan for this whole thing? I direct you to bloggers such as Prism, Adura, Madame Sting, 9jaFOODie and others to if you want actual opinions on the matter cuz i got nothing. (well i have thoughts but none of which i feel like sharing)