Thursday, June 30, 2011

How to fly for free- naija style




Oh me, oh my. Of course they would have to emphasize that he's Nigerian. SMH. I don't even know what to take from this....are Nigerians just that crafty or is TSA just that stupid?!? Im sure its a little of both. I never would have even thought to try something like this (especially after 9-11) because how could a slip of this magnitude even happen. And he tried it twice no less.

LOL, i have 5 fb friends in common with this dude. One of them, has 110 friends in common. He claims he doesn't know the guy though. Too funny.

Words of wisdom

I don't know how many of you are fans of Tyler Perry...*cricket cricket*..yeah, i'm not either! LOL. He was great at first...all the original "Madea" stage plays were to die for. Diary of a Mad Black Woman, I Can Do Bad By Myself, Madea's Family Reunion, Madea's Class Reunion, Why Did I Get Married.

But then he decided he could make movies...BIG MISTAKE! The movies ended up being all the plays mixed into one (more like 1 million) movies. Same story line and plot, different title. And have you ever noticed that Tyler Perry sucks at acting when he's not in drag playing Madea? Really bad.

*okay okay, the movies aren't THAT bad. But i wouldn't suggest watching the movies and the plays because you'll just end up pissed off. Watch one or the other.

And then it got even worse with the TV Shows. House of Payne...Meet The Browns...very painful to watch and I pray you all never fall victim. SMH

But going back to those original plays. What i loved about them (aside from Madea being funny as hell and my subsequent aspirations to be the Madea of my family when i get to be about 60 70- God willing) was that there were always these random pearls of wisdom.

Here are some of my fave clips (sorry i couldn't embed them and my apologies to those with slow internet connections that may not be able to view them)

Madea's advice on being in an abusive relationship
Madea's opinion on validating your child
Relationship (romantic and non) advice
This one is just funny but raises an interesting point in raising your child and generation gaps

Take-away point of the day: Learn to love yourself! (And listen to your elders)

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

More random thoughts of the day

I promise this one is not going to be anywhere near as bad as the last one was. Mostly because im not suffering from insomnia today- i'm actually quite tired and its only 10:30pm. It's been a long day.

Anyhow, let us commence:

Reality TV
Clearly i watch waaaaaay too much reality tv as these people from these shows have invaded my dreams! Sunday night (really monday morning) i dreamt that I was married to 50 Cent and involved in some sort of crime ring (a la Set It off) with the women from Basketball Wives. Don't really remember all the details but i know the dream ended with 50 Cent killing all of us after we were interrogated by the cops #GetRichOrDieTryin.
Anyhow after i woke up, this kinda got me thinking about reality tv and the people on those shows. (ok, i was reading imdb message board and THEN i started thinking...) We are really judgmental of these people. I'm guilty of it too. We don't know these people, regardless of how much we may think we do. What we see are for all intents and purposes, characters on a tv show. At the end of the day they are people doing what normal people do, they just are on tv and the regular day-to-day is cut out in lieu of more ratings-friendly drama. While some may argue that by being on these shows they've opened themselves up to intense scrutiny, i maintain that if they were "behaving themselves" the shit would be boring as hell *cough* Koko Mansion *cough*. And since you are watching, clearly you enjoy that kind of drama. Whether its people throwin drinks, people sexing, or people just all around acting a hot mess...you're still watching the show so why is everyone complaining? Its not as if anything these people do effects your life so why do we always feel the need to put our 2 cents in and even worse, be extra judgmental?

Blogging
I love blogging...and i love leaving comments (as im sure most of you can tell by the thesis statements i leave on your posts sometimes :D ). But sometimes (not often, but still sometimes), i am so put off that i don't even want to comment on a post. Usually its not even the post that pisses me off...its the comments from other people. I'm not saying that all my comments are rosy as im sure i've rubbed some people the wrong way before, nor am i saying that everyone doesn't have the write to comment as they deem fit...but sometimes its just irritating reading other people's opinions...especially when you think they are stupid (the opinion, not necessarily the person).Am I the only one this happens to???  Coincidentally, I hope that isn't going to deter anyone from commenting in the future lol

The Titty Bar
I really want to go to the titty bar strip club. I don't want a lap dance or to stick money in anyone's g-string or anything (seems like a waste of money to me. It ain't like you can't still watch the show without tipping the ladies), i just want to go. Whenever i tell my guy friends i wanna accompany them on their trip to the strip club they look at me funny, laugh it off, and then tell me the day after they go how much fun they had. Like, forrealsies (yes, i made that word up) tho?!? Why can't i go too?
I have been to a "male revue" before with some of my girlfriends. All it was, was some decent looking dudes doing some dance routines. There was stripping involved but it's not the "world of flying penises" that everyone assumed it was going to be. Yeah, there were some ladies there celebrating birthdays and bachelorette parties and for them, things heated up. I got a couple of *ahem* dances, but nothing of the caliber that i imagine happens at the titty bar or a real male strip club.
Anyway, so i just wanted to know if this all sounded weird to ya'll. If you were a guy (or if you are a guy- i know there's a couple of ya'll out there lol) would you bring a female friend to the strip club with you?

The 15th Annual Nigerian Reunion which will be hosted in my very own backyard of Orlando Fl by the Nigerian Reunion Corporation (NRC) is going down this weekend! I'm officially geeked up. Can't freaking wait.

Oh, whats that you  say... you've never heard of this Nigerian Reunion? Well allow me to enlighten you ladies and gents. In a nutshell, The Nigerian Reunion is celebrated 4th of July weekend in a different city every year. The weekend consists of various events, forums, and of course parties (you know how we do!) that celebrate Nigerian culture. In essence, it's a weekend for young Nigerians in the diaspora to come together socialize, network, and generally act as razz as they want without judgment lol.
The Nigerian Reunion Corporation (NRC) formed in 1999, is an energetic, organization that uses creative social and professional programs to positively promote Nigerians in the Diaspora. The NRC draws on a broad cultural and professional diversity of her member associates in promoting the rich cultural heritage of Nigeria and the African continent. NRC associates are committed individuals from all works of life, ranging from college students, to entrepreneurs, and working professionals.  
This year, the NRC is trying something new with the format of the weekend, including changing the name from Nigerian Reunion to The Nigerian Art, Cultural and Music Festival. The last time i went was in 2009 in Las Vegas and though there was drama (big surprise, right), I had so much fun and met some very cool people. I encourage everyone (based in the US) to check out the event at some point in their life lol. Enjoy some pics of LadyNgo and various celebs from 2009 
With The Naija Boyz- bringing you such hits as Crank Dat Naija Boy and the Black and Yellow (African Remix)

with Comedian/Model/Fine Boy Seyi Brown. He is fine man, his wife is lucky im not a home-wrecker!

With musician YQ

With comedian Jedi

Comedian/Actor Michael Blackson performed...and it was just horrible lol, Sorry man.
And my bad if you can't tell its him...not my fault that the dude is extremely chocolatey

Monday, June 27, 2011

Meet the Adebanjos + BET Awards

I was originally only going to talk about Meet the Adebanjo's but i feel inclined to discuss the stupid BET Awards too.

Sigh. I generally do not watch Award shows and to be quite honest i really wasnt watching the BET Awards either...i was following along on twitter on my baby daddy Trey Songz performed. OOOOOOO-WEEEEE that is a sexy man.

Anyway, The few moments i did catch have reminded me why i don't watch the sh*t in the first place. Tiffany Green and her "And the winner is Chris Brown....no wait, Rihanna....no wait, its actually Drake", BET CEO Debra Lee and her *ahem* speech issues, and D'banj and 2Baba both winning the same award...i'm sure! #iCan't

Moving right along, I watched the first episode of the new show Meet the Adebanjo's last night. It wasn't bad. It wasn't spectacular or anything either but there was definitely potential. One thing i didn't really like was the interaction between the kids and the parents. It was a little off...i was expecting a slap at some point. But its a family sitcom and i guess it is supposed to serve a comedic purpose.

If you want to watch Meet the Adebanjo's, just follow the link and sign-up for the password. (Or holla at me, i have the password too lol)

Off topic- i haven't been feeling well for the past few days :( which has translated into spending way too many hours sleeping and not eating. So if anyone wants to send LadyNgo some crackers and ginger ale, i will gladly accept!!

Happy Monday All

Saturday, June 25, 2011

MJ Milestones

In memory of the Greatest Entertainer Ever, I thought i'd share some of my MJ Milestones. I've loved Michael Jackson since i was born- it wouldn't surprise me if i moonwalked out of the womb. I can't remember a time where i didn;t love MJ. Even in the midst of those "he touched my child" allegations...i just said, "well you shouldn't have left your child over there. What kind of parent are you" Especially the 2nd, 3rd, 4th, etc victims. Them mofos were just looking for a payout.

But I digress. Here are my MJ Milestones (in no particular order)


Scream featuring Janet Jackson.
This was the first time he ever collaborated with Janet. And This was also the first time i ever heard MJ cuss. And not just any old cuss word...he said FUCK (at about 3:12) and he said it with so much force. Awesome And of course, it was just a cool video.


In The Closet
Michael Jackson playing mcnasty with Naomi Campbell...for real?!? Especially after all the gay/pedophile rumors. This was shocking to lil LadyNgo (i was like 5 or 6 when this song came out). Like i don't think i've ever seen MJ be up any one prior to this so of course I had to add it to the mental milestone.





2000 Watts
(I believe) this is one of the first times MJ doesn't use his normal falsetto. You hear how deep his voice is. It took like 2 years for me to really be convinced it was even him. That voice combined with black MJ (or even 1991-ish just turned pale MJ) could surely get the business if you catch my drift!


Remember the Time
Come on man, this video was epic. From the scenery, the celebrities, black depictions of Egyptian royalty, the sand trick, the dance scene (which i tried many times to learn as a kid and busted my ass in the process), all together a majorly epic video! How bold was that for him to make a pass at the Queen in front of the Pharoah?!? MJ's a goon! Not to mention that MJ was fine as hayle in this video despite the change in skin pigmentation.


The Girl is Mine featuring Paul McCartney
MJ did another song with Paul McCartney which i hate. I don't even know what its called all i remember is that i'd get so pissed when the vid would come on lol. So i always used to skip over this song. But then one day when i was older, i listened and I just fell in love. *much better than Brandy and Monica's remix lol (probably because its cuter for guys to fight over a girl than it is for girls to fight over a boy)*


She's Out of My Life
Clearly before my time (came out in 1979) so i didn't hear it til i was a teenager. Very simple vid and song. Everytime i hear it i just wanna cry with him. Poor MJ.


Leave me Alone
I used to hate this song too. The vid was just too abstract for me. But now i can definitely relate. Sometimes you just wanna scream LEAVE ME THE F*CK ALONE!!! Nobody is perfect so whats the point in nitpicking every little thing. Which is also why i'd never want to be famous.





Thriller
I know you didn't think i'd leave without including Thriller- the best my epic music video of all freaking time! I don't have to explain my obsession with this. Im sure we all share it. Enjoy

R.I.P. Michael Jackson!

Friday, June 24, 2011

My 100th Post

This is my 100th post. Fiiiiiiinally, lol. I feel like i should have hit '100' eons ago. Anywho, this whole blogging journey has been amazing and i love it and all my readers so much. In light of that, I am dedicating my 100th post to you the fans readers!

Naijamum in London and Boma thinks i bring some ray of sunshine into their lives. And so im now passing the buck on to the lovely bloggers that bring sunshine into my life as well. I know most if not all of you have at some point gotten this award too but who cares, you're getting it again :)

KitKat: The first person to comment on and follow my blog! A very creative and talented young lady

Myne- You ever have that friend that you hang around because they are just so smart...and secretly hoping some of it rubs off on ya?!? Not to mention she has given me hope in the area of the e-relationship turned love turned marriage :)

Ibhade- keeping it unapologetically real! Always have the most interesting stories and observations.

A-9ja-Great- always nice to get the male perspective. Have u noticed i've not fought with u on any of your posts lately (shey na juju u dey use to make me behave lol). And i enjoy ur poetic voice.

Surprise- Keeping me up to date with all the news in naija

Sisi Yemmie and Alex- Gistdotcom and nawa4u are probably two of my favorite blogs when i need a good laugh. 

Madame Sting- i swear sometimes i think you are me without the little bit of filter i manage to use lol. Always keeping it real and pulling no punches. And her normal blog pranks constantly keep you on your toes lol

9ja-fOOdie- you have surely saved my future marriage with these recipes of yours lol

Esco- a new and unique voice. Love his blogs. Don't know how many of you follow but you really should check it out!

Naijamum (N.I.L)- Always nice to have a mature mommy perspective to make you feel warm and safe lol. I love her pidgin poems and proverbs as well.


Honestly, even if i didn't mention you, please know that if im following/commenting on your blog- you bring something special to my day. If you didn't, then I wouldn't be visiting you lol. So whether your name appears above of not, please feel free to give yourself a big old bear hug and a no homo-kiss on the cheek compliments of LadyNgo

*perhaps one of the biggest rays of sunshine to hit me lately is that Flavour Nabania is following lil old me on twitter. What does that mean- absolutely nothing. But did it still make my day- yes yes YES!

Please, since i posted about how much i don't like the nickname Ngo, SOME ppl have switched to calling me Ngo exclusively. Don't think i haven't noticed you o!!! LOL, its ok, i just take it to mean we are familiar now (which means i expect money, gifts, favors, and unlimited access to your fridge/pot when you cook!) :D

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Unrequited Love

Goodness, is that not one of the worst feelings in the world...to love someone and not have them love you back. Ugh. Its even worse when you actually KNOW it vs just thinking it. You might as well rip my heart out, put between two pieces of bread and eat right there! #OverlyDramatic

I have somewhat of a tale of unrequited love that i feel like sharing, for no particular reason, so read if u like.

Me and Blue had this back-and-forth "thing" since we were about 9 years old until i moved away for college. Long time right?!? Pretty much a whole decade. Of course when we were 9, the only thing we did was hold hands, ride bikes/roller skate together, and giggle and make googly-eyes at one another when we saw each other at school. Very innocent stuff. But i can honestly say that even back then, not even knowing what love really was, it was luv. And even at that young age, every1 just knew LadyNgo and Blue would be together forever.

As we got older of course, life happened and we drifted apart (despite the fact that we live only about 4 houses away from each other lol).  There were times when he liked me but i didn't like him. Similarly, there were times when i liked him but he didn't like me. And there were those random times when we liked each other but one thing or another always managed to louse things up. He was also 2 years ahead of me in school and 1 year ahead in age,* so there were a lot of times when we were not in the same school which made it easier for him to go his way and me to go mine.

*for clarification- the way my school system worked was that if you were born after December 1 (which i was) you were kept back a year from starting school because they felt you weren't ready because you'd be so young. Stupid rule in my opinion but it is what it is

Around summer of 2003, we shared a moment that should have led somewhere but again, for whatever reason didn't, and I ended up with Red, my now former fiance.

By the time summer of 2005 rolled around, me and Red were through, i had just graduated high school and was enjoying my last couple of months before i went away to college. Somehow someway, Blue made his way back into my every day life. We spent a majority of the summer reconnecting and enjoying each others company. Chillin on the block (you ain't know LadyNgo was a thug lol), going to the beach, riding out to the city...making up for lost time if you will. We even had the same car lol. Mine was a white honda with burgundy interior and his was a burgundy honda with burgundy interior His was nicer than mine though lol, my lil putt-putt was a piece of crap but i rode that sucker til the wheels fell off! (But to be fair, me and Red had the same car too. I really don't know how that lil jumble of coincidence happened) He was the only man that i ever let my drive my car (up until that point at least) so you know it was serious lol.

One day, i was sitting outside on my porch when Blue's older brothers (whom over time had become like my brothers too) came walking down the street and stopped to talk to me. Since, in talking to me, they ended up missing their bus, they asked if i could drive them to Lakeview. I wasn't doing anything and gas wasn't an arm and a leg back then so i agreed. So we're driving and the following convo ensues:

Me: So where do you want me to drop you off at
Brother1: At Uncle (so-and-so)'s house
Me: LOL, as if i know where that is
Brother1: What?!? Blue never brought you over there?
Me: *insert strange look* No, why would he?
Brother1: You know why!
Me: No...i don't. Please, enlighten me!
Brother2: When are you and Blue gonna stop playing around and get together???
Me: WHAT!
Brother2: Please, don't front like you don't know. Ya'll been playing this game for how many years now. You the only girl Blue every brings around the house, the only girl we've all accepted as part of the family (Blue has 3 older brothers and 2 younger sisters all of whom are like fam to me still to this day), the only one he talks about like that Shit, you and Red should have never even dated. You know Blue was planning on asking you to be his girl right around the time you and Red started going out.

So at this point we nearly crashed because i simply couldn't believe what the eff i was hearing. Considering the SERIOUSLY tumultuous relationship me and Red had, and all the love me and Blue had for one another, to hear something like this can make you want to stab somebody.

Anyhow, i drop them off and I go home and do some tall thinking about the situation. Eventually i decided to talk to Blue about this and of course he confirms everything that his brothers told me. If looks could kill, he would've been 8 feet under (not even 6 ft!) So of course I asked why the hell did things go down the way they did and he said basically that he thought that I had already been dating Red when he and I had our moment, which pissed him off because i guess he thought i was leading him on or using him or whatever. So he decided then that he was gonna let me do me and he was gonna do him. (Which made sense because the whole time me and Red were together, me and Blue NEVER talked). And of course this infuriated me more because truth be told, I didn't even KNOW Red when me and Blue were doing our thing. All i know is, after we had our moment, Blue vanished into thin air and in came Red and the rest is history.

After going round and round the mulberry bush silently contemplating the "what if" question, we ended that conversation with the inevitable 'well there's nothing we can do about it now' especially since by this point I think i only had about a week or two left before i was leaving and I knew my parents were moving away as well. We spent time for my remaining weeks in town and had one final goodbye before i left and for the most part, that was that. I have seen him a couple of times when i would go visit the neighborhood (my sister still lives on our old street and his family does too...funny enough, he and my sister's husband have some sort of familial relationship so theres no real escaping him even if i wanted to). We've both since moved on though. We're still cool and everything.

So...that's my story. A whole lot going on there with the bouts of unrequited love, some "you snooze you lose" and "closed mouths don't get fed" and "what if, what if" moments mixed in for good measure.
My life has always been one calamity after another like this lol. And folks wonder why i'm so diligent about keeping my diaries. This stuff is literary gold lol. I'm just waiting til im too old to feel shame so i can write my memoirs.

**I hope i didn't paint a negative picture of Red in the post. Despite all the damn drama that came with our relationship i don't regret it and i did love him very very much. Im sure in the future i'll be compelled to share the story of me and Red's relationship but not today.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Something just ain't right

Not that long ago, me and some of my girlfriends were sitting around talking about (of course) men and relationships and fidelity. And the question came up about how can you tell if a man is up to no good. To which i reply, there are ALWAYS warning signs, without fail. Sometimes you don't know what to look for but most times, people choose to ignore them altogether or pretend as if they are no big deal. But that's always the 1st big mistake that can/may lead to a lot more pain and heartbreak down the line. So here are some tips to let you know that something just ain't right about your relationship (most of which i've either seen for myself or are just common sense):

  • You don't know his last name and/or he doesn't know yours
    • honestly, if you've been past date number 2 and don't know the last name of the man sitting across from you- there's a problem. I can't even say i would go on a first date with someone who's last name i don't know. I am akin to a secret agent. I will search google, fb, twitter, myspace, hi5, blogger, the local jail records, marriage records...the whole she-bang to make sure i know who i'm dealing with- can't do that without a last name!
  • You don't know where he lives
    • I will admit, as crazy as people are these days, its pretty fool-hearty to give out your home address to just anyone. But if you are at the point in your relationship where its a "legit" relationship and you don't even know this dude's zip code- there's a problem. Either he lives with his mama, he lives with his wife/gf, he lives in a box, or he just ain't that into you.
  • You never see him before midnight/The only time he calls you is after 11pm
    • Hello! Unless this man works the late shift and doesn't get home until the wee hours of the night, you my friend are a Certified Grade-A Booty Call! There's a [hood] saying that goes something like: The only thing open after 11pm are 7-Eleven and legs. So if you get those middle of the night calls, you should know what's up and what position you are playing!
  • You never see him AFTER 11pm.
    • Again, unless he works the graveyard shift, you are not his main. His main chick is the reason why you don't see him at night. Because he has a curfew and has to be in bed by 11pm!
  • He doesn't have any texts, phone calls, or girls numbers in his phone.
    • now to the untrained eye of a lot of people i know, this isn't suspicious. But um, what kind of person doesn't have ANY kind of activity in their phone??? I know this is the technology age and a lot of ppl are BBM'ing or on facebook and what have you but come on! Likewise what kind of person doesn't have a single person in their phone of the opposite sex? I guarantee you some of those "Joe's" and "Chris's" are really "Josephine" and "Christina"!
  • His phone is locked at all times
    • Again, doesn't seem suspicious to many but most people (not all) don't lock their phone unless there is something in there that they don't want "someone" to see.
  • You've been in a relationship for over 6 months and don't know any of his friends
    • Its one thing for you not to know his relatives as some old school parents will start making plans for the Ikwu Aka as soon as they meet any person you are dating. But you don't even know his friends? That screams "i'm not serious about this girl"
  • He introduces you to everyone as his "homegirl" or his "friend"
    • This kind of thing is ok when you're in the dating phase. But a year or so in, and ya'll been playing house and you still don't have the title of girlfriend? Something is definitely amiss
  • Every chick you ever see him with is his sister/niece/cousin's baby's mama's best friend
    • C'mon man, do i really gotta explain that one?
  • This one is a mix of modern concepts and some throwback concepts: If you don't know his home phone, only know his pager number or if he has 3 phones and you only have 1 of the numbers...
    • Yeah, you ain't a major player in his life. *i know i took it waaaaay back with the pager reference lol*
So that ladies and gents, are some of LadyNgo's sure fire ways to tell that something isn't right about your relationship. There are many others but these are the ones that quickly come to mind. Shine your eye well well and use them as you wish!

Warning- The thoughts and opinions expressed in this post are mostly for comedic purposes. LadyNgo will not be held liable for any issues you may encounter as a result of using these tips to investigate your wishy-washy significant other. Individual results may vary.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

#TweetLife

I've talked about twitter a few times here (feel free to crank that search feature if you want to find the posts because i honestly don't remember where i was talking about it, i just know i have). Some people use it for professional reasons, some for marketing, some for entertainment...

But there are some people that use it for low-key pr0n (thats porn for those who aren't hip lol). I've just recently discovered the twitter world of #TwitterAfterDark and #TittyTuesday (among others). All I can say is some people have no shame whatsoever. To summarize- they both are exactly what they sound like: Twitter After Dark is where "freaks come out at night" with their XXX-rated tweets and Titty Tuesday is where people share pics of their (or their favorite) bewbs.

Honestly, i can look past all of that activity but what i can't understand is why these people (for the most part) are not coding themselves. Like do they not realize that they have their real names and photos on the profiles and that their tweets are not protected?!? What if your employer, mama, daddy, bald-headed granny were to see that? Have you no shame??? Unless you plan on becoming a porn star, streetwalker or an author of erotica novels, what good can possibly come from this? I mean damn, at least make a fake profile. Some of the stuff i read in that TwitterAfterDark thing would make Jenna Jameson blush.

Since we're on the topic, there a lot of *ahem* entrepeneurs on twitter selling their *cough cough* services too. Some people just don't need access to technology because they clearly don't know how to act.

Monday, June 20, 2011

My Thoughts of the Day

Happy Monday all. Happy belated Father's Day to all the proud papa's out there.
Moving on, its 4am and I am still up listening to my JayZ playlist on shuffle. Sigh. Me and sleep have been at ends lately. I don't know what i did to piss sleep off but it has surely been forsaking me for the past week or so. Since i can't sleep i've decided to write about the random crap in my mind. Feel free to read it all, or skip around...its gonna be a long post that is going to be very scatter-brained. YOU'VE BEEN WARNED!!!

This Broke Lifestyle
This weekend was my Sorority's National Conference. It was held in New Orleans. I am so upset that I didn't get to go. I haven't been to a national conference since 2008. :( Curse this broke lifestyle i am living! I mean, i am very thankful to God that I have all the things I need in life (food, clothing, shelter) and some of the lesser essentials (car and the funds to keep the car on the road, tv, etc) but man being broke is no fun at all. I wish my internship were paid so i could have some pocket money to blow. But it is what it is. One day!

Living in the South
I have officially lived in Florida since February 2006. That's over 5 years now and I am still not totally used to this lifestyle. I am a New Yorker through and through. I thought i had seen it all but everyday i am proven wrong around here. Southern Hospitality, People buying food (real food now) from random trucks on the side of the road, unagreeable weather (random sun showers, 1000000 degrees one day and tornado warning the next, etc), and the ghetto folks. I swear, if you ever have the opportunity to visit the south, i invite you to visit your neighborhood walmart and just people watch. What you see will truly astound you. (If you know you won't be getting the opportunity any time soon, just check out People of Walmart)

Yes I am Igbo!
Typical conversation when meeting.being introduced to another Nigerian:
Them: Oh, you're Nigerian. What's your Nigerian name?
Me: Ngozi
Them: Oh so you're Igbo. Where from?
Me: Delta 
Them: oh, so you're not really Igbo then
Me: AAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHH!
Honestly- If i'm not Igbo, then what the hell am I?!? Goodness. Its really ridiculous but I can't completely blame people since this is more of an internal issue anyway. So for all intents and purposes one can say that i rep the Anioma people. Now amongst these Anioma people, there are those that see themselves as Igbo (nee Igbo subgroup) and those who for whatever reason think they aren't Igbo. Now far be it for me to tell someone what they are and what they aren't but i'll be damned if i've heard an intelligent, logical argument as to why i should not consider myself or any other Anioma person Igbo. I've heard 'the language is slightly different', 'culturally we are not the same as Igbos', and whole bunch of other stuff that falls into the category of "politcial bs". If the yardstick by which we measure belonging to a parent group is "we speak a different dialect or we have cultural differences (which are minute at best) then damn near every household can get up and say that they are xyz tribe and want this that and third rights (and land) from the government. Lets be real here, there are a lot of different "groups" within the Igbo tribe/nation/ethnicity/however you wish to refer to it, with their own dialects and particular ways of doing things but at the end of the day they are still Igbo. Why are Anioma (or any other group- there are few) different?

Middle Child Syndrome
I am the anti-middle child. I think it may be because me and my siblings are so far apart in age (my older sister is 4.5 years older and my younger brother is 9 years younger). I am almost the complete opposite of what is considered "middle child syndrome", but that's not to say that i didn't have my own issues. I used to always feel like i was being blamed for everything, i always too young for this but too old for that, never the 1st or the last to do anything, and i did lack confidence i guess (but i don't think that really had anything to do with being the middle child). But other than that, i think i took the role of "first born" as my sister was always out causing some kind of chaos in our house lol.
Being the middle child definitely had it's benefits though. I surely learned what buttons i should never push with my parents. I also learned how to get away with certain deviant behavior. And when it came time to do certain chores, there was always someone ahead of me in line lol. I feel bad for my brother though as he now in the midst of his teenage angst and doesn't really have that guide that I had since he was an baby when my sis was a teen, and a lil kid when i was- not to mention he's the only boy. Poor little fella. He'll figure it out though and in the meantime i will have fun laughing at his expense lol.

My Babies
I have the distinct feeling that I am going to have hideous children lol. Honestly, it's because i can't help but to comment when i see an ugly baby. I try not too but my filter is faulty. I can't control the things that come out of my mouth sometimes. I think my lips move faster than my brain. So i'm trying to catch someone with some good genes so that my children will be beautiful lol. Truth be told, i'd rather my child be ugly at birth and get that awkward phase out of the way early than being weird looking when they are school-age. You know how cruel kids can be.
Not to mention that I have the most beautiful niece in the world. I have never seen such a cute baby. She's 5 now and still just as cute as can be. She set the bar hella high. Sometimes i just look at my sister and want to hit her for making the competition so fierce.

Men and "sluttyness"
I was reading a post on VerySmartBrothas.com and the writer made a statement something along the lines of "sluttyness"  being unattractive to men. Hmm...i thought about it for a minute and then i said to myself: "That nigga is a damn lie!" Really, if "sluttyness" were not attractive to men, in general, then there would be no sluts in this world. You think chicks (not including lesbians) go out with their T&A hanging out because they want other girls to look at them, buy them drink and/or take them home? Nah bruh-bruh. I don't think so. They do it for the fellas. And if it didn't work, by and large, that type of dressing would not be appealing. I'm sure there are men that really don't go for it but in general- dudes eat that $#!+ up! I'm telling you, if i had a dollar for every time i've seen a guy trying to talk to the fully-clothed girl instead of trying to bag Ms. New Booty at the club...i'd be just as poor as I am right now because the ish does not happen!

The Other Woman
A few weeks back i was reading a post on 360nobs.com about whether or not it was okay to be the "side chick". First of all, i was ready to go get gender reassignment surgery because the women were seriously disappointing me with their ideology that there was absolutely nothing wrong with being the other woman if all they are looking for is a good time, a man to buy them things and its what makes them happy. And further justifying it by saying that all Nigerian men cheat anyway. WTF?!? Let me get on my soapbox and say that Nigerians blame a lot of foolywang that goes on in Naija on "The West/Obodo Oyinbo" but i damn sure won't allow anyone to blame that ish on us! *steps down off of the soap box* 
Now my comment was basically that why should your happiness come at the expense of your fellow woman?!? Its one thing if you want to casually date someone but why on earth should it be with someone who is already in a relationship? Are there not enough single men around that you have to go after someone who is spoken for? As for all men cheating- well if women by and large stopped agreeing to seeing married men (and stop accepting that their man will cheat), maybe the cheating would stop (or at least reduce). Simple solution in my eyes.

Doctors are quacks sometimes
So back in 2009 your very own LadyNgo fell victim to the H1N1 pandemic (aka swine flu outbreak). I don't think i've ever been so scared in my entire life. It hit me very fast. Literally one minute i was fine. Then about 5 minutes later i had a horrible headache. Another few minutes passes and i am dizzy. Then another few minutes passes and I have a fever of over 103 and i feel death gripping me by the throat. It was a terrifying ordeal. I swear, every time i fell asleep, i thought i was never going to wake-up again. I can't even truly describe it. And of course, this happens when i don't have proper medical insurance AND on a friday night so i couldn't go to the university's health clinic until monday. So i called their emergency line and told the doctor my symptoms and that i was pretty sure that it was the Swine Flu and do you know what this fool told me..."relax, its just bronchitis!" Outrageous! I kept explaining to him that I have had bronchitis before and this was definitely nothing like that. Not to mention that even I, with no medical training whatsoever, know that bronchitis does not give you headache, nightsweats, sudden HIGH fever, shortness of breath, and dizziness. Still the man insisted that i had bronchitis and that i should not be alarmed. Im glad i didn't listen to him. And i'm thankful that God saw me through that...that was an experience that I am in no rush to repeat. (As an added bonus, somehow a lizard managed to sneak into my apartment and into my bedroom in the midst of this sickness so i spent a good 2-3 hours trying to chase the lil bugger out of my house. Those things are fast- especially when you're sick and not on your A-game)

Ok, its now almost 6am and i'm finally getting tired. Hope all this nonsense i just wrote made sense because i'm not going back to edit it. Have a good day all :)

Friday, June 17, 2011

Why do people lie?

I don't understand why people feel the need to lie. I don't mean little white lies. Like, if you come up to me looking like this...

...and ask me if i like your hairdo, of course to spare your feelings i may lie and say "yeah, its ok" But what really bothers me are people who feel the need to tell huge lies for absolutely no reason at all. 

During my teen years i had this friend that used to lie about EVERYTHING. It was so crazy. Everyone always knew she was lying too (but of course very rarely did anyone call her on it). She lied about what her middle name was. She lied about where she was born. She lied about her ethnicity. It was just crazy because they were all unprovoked lies. I couldn't care less whether your middle name was 'helen' or 'honey-baked ham'. It makes no difference to me whether you were born in Spanish Town, Jamaica, or Southside Jamaica, Queens. Honestly, of what importance is that in my life or our friendship?

Now that i think of it, I had quite a few compulsive liar friends in my younger years. I remember one kid lied about how to pronounce his name. His name was *Steven but he told us it was pronounced *Stephàn. And we went on thinking this was the correct pronunciation until he got into a fight with his childhood friend and the friend started airing all the guys "dirty laundry" SMH. Idk if he thought changing the pronunciation of his name was going to somehow make him more appealing or exotic or what.

Then i had a friend who told the most overtold lie in the world- my daddy is rich. To his credit, we were pre-teens at the time so maybe his concept of "rich" was skewed. But despite that, he still managed to bring out some crazy concocted story about his father's wealth. Basically what happened was, he and his family had just moved in to a very nice house a town or two away. Since me and him had been so close since we were toddlers its natural that i had been invited over numerous times. Prior to the purchase of this huge house, he and his family lived in his grandmama's basement. Hmmm. So of course knowing this info i was skeptical about the "wealth" he proclaimed to have. When I asked if he had so much money why did he live with his granny before, he answered well we are so rich that we didn't know what to do with the money!
You know good and damn well that that lie didn't even make any freakin sense...even at that young age. But i just shrugged it off and kept it moving. Like i said, none of these lies are about things that will change my view of you so idk why people insist on telling them.

Oh man, before i go... the other kind of lies I hate, are the ones that people tell you when they know that you already know the truth. Seriously, what the hell?!? How are you going to lie to me about something that I already know the truth about? And then, they have the nerve to give you an attitude when you call them out on their bs. Seriously...
You knew what you were saying was bull before you even said it, so how are you going to get mad at me because i called you on it?

If you're gonna lie, at least make it worthwhile.





*names changed to protect the not-so-innocent


Have a good weekend everyone!

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Man Dies While Raping Elderly Woman

CHICAGO (AFP) – A Texas man died while raping a 77-year-old woman, local media reported.
Isabel Chavelo Gutierrez, 53, broke into the woman's rural home armed with a knife and attacked her.
But in the midst of the rape he complained he wasn't feeling well and "stopped having sex with her so he could rest," the Corpus Christi Caller reported citing the local sheriff's office.
The registered sex offender continued to fondle her, however, then rolled over and died.
The woman initially thought he had passed out drunk because she smelled alcohol on his breath. She fled her home in her car and called her daughter for help.
Investigators believe Gutierrez died of a heart attack after riding his bicycle two miles to the woman's home on a hot summer day but are awaiting the results of an autopsy.
He was on parole for sex crimes including indecency with a child in 1986 and had been released from prison in 2008.
The Refugio County Sheriff's Office was not immediately available for comment

If I were a boy

No, this is not a Beyonce reference. I can't stand Beyonce. I was just thinking about what it would be like to be a boy. I used to wish i had been a boy all the time. Every time i had to put on a dress, the first time i got my period, the first time i got my heartbroken, whenever i have to go out looking like something...always looked around and said this crap wouldn't be happening or be an issue if I were a boy.

But then the other day I went to a party and i looked around and realized...sometimes i'm glad i'm a girl.

For one thing, girls get a lot more attention (even when you don't want it). Example: you walk into a party and girls are dancing, guys will automatically gravitate to their direction in hopes of dancing, hollering, buying her a drink, etc. If a guy is just dancing, people are just looking at him like "damn that guy is desperate for attention". Unless you are some type of celebrity or just a very fine boi, no one is rushing to surround you.

I was sitting down minding my own business and in the span of about 15 minutes i was approached by 3 different guys asking me to dance. At first it was just annoying because i wasn't dancing for a reason. And even though i said i was tired they still persisted. One guy was someone i kinda knew so it wasn't a big deal. The other guy was hilarious and though he was annoying me by not going away, i still had a nice lighthearted laugh with him. The third guy...man, some people are just too much. If you are old enough for me to feel compelled to address you as "nna anyi" just move on. (sidenote: i did end up dancing with all three b4 the night was out. i'm a good sport afterall.)

After they moved on, it really got me to thinking. Damn, it must suck to have to approach girls and face that possible rejection. I was nice about it but i know i've been the mean girl in the past. Especially if you don't approach me right. Some women will literally laugh in your face, or use you to buy them drinks and then leave with some other big boy, or just flat out ignore you. I don't know if i'd have the balls testicular fortitude to approach a chick and risk that possible embarrassment. As a girl, all you have to do is look halfway decent and you'll have guys paying you plenty of attention all night without even trying.


But on some real ish though, if i were a guy i'd be the biggest slut in the world. OMG! You have no clue. God definitely did the world a favor when he made me a woman. I'd be breaking hearts all over town. Especially if i was good looking. oh man. Women make it way to easy for guys to be irresponsible, selfish, etc.


Switching back into woman mode, I am so mad that Anderson Cooper is gay. This isn't news, ever since the first time i saw him i figured he probably was, but its still upsetting none the less. That is a fine white man no racist Even with all that snow on the roof. Sigh

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Sights from the road

Riding down the street and spot the cheapest gas i've seen in i can't even tell you how long. I mentioned this recently. Like i said, i didn't stop to see what was up because this just couldn't be real. Yesterday i drove past this gas station again and the reason the gas is so cheap...they don't actually have any gas. The only thing functioning at that gas station is the convenience store.

Jim Swallows...."oh does he now?!?" Yes, i can be an immature pervert at times. So sue me :p
Honestly, you gotta think about what you are naming your kids man lol

Recently drove to Daytona Beach...just to go there. Been living in florida for lil over 5 years now and this is my first time visiting the city. I just did a little shopping. Didn't even go to the actual beach, smh. But before the summer is over i wanna go back and look around more.

Daytona International Speedway: Home of Nascar and the Daytona 500

Impeach Obama?!? what for? I'm still waiting for someone to point out what is supposedly so horrible about this man and his policies. You just mad 'cuz my President is black and my Lambo is blue (Young Jeezy)!!! 

i don't know what the bumper sticker is advertising, all i know is that those are a set of bewbs.

Sidenote: Im laid up in my bed (fully clothed) and i just happened to look down and of course the first thing i notice are "the girls" and im thinkin to myself "hmmm...nice" and then i look down and i see my hips and im thinkin "alright" and then my thighs..."ookkaayy (lil jon voice). Long story short, i had a lil "damn, im kinda fine" moment. I encourage everyone to love yourself...inside and out. 

Saturday, June 11, 2011

God is trying to tell you something


Probably one of my favorite (non-comedic) scenes in the movie. For those of you that are unfamiliar, this is from The Color Purple (a film adaptation of Alice Walker's novel starring Oprah Winfrey, Whoopi Goldberg, Danny Glover, Margaret Avery, and Akosua Busia, among others) which if you've never seen it, i HIGHLY encourage you to do so!


When God is trying to tell you something, He will surely get the point across. It is so true that God dwells everywhere. And by whatever means He needs to use to communicate with you, He will. Whether its through your pastor, through music, through tv, even through your own dreams and thoughts. If He has got something to tell you, He WILL tell you! To feel His power and his presence is so amazing, sometimes i can't do anything but cry.


I remember the first time i heard this song. I was in the car on my way to church with my mom. I really didn't feel like going to church that day but you know how it is when you're a kid...you don't really have any choice lol. At that time our church was like almost an hour's drive away so of course we had the radio on and this song came on and I felt so moved that Sunday. The song put me in the spirit and the sermon (which without a doubt i was meant to hear) made me feel so close to God. His name can never be praised enough!

Friday, June 10, 2011

U.S. colleges accused of African "land grabs"


June 8, 2011 11:33 PM

U.S. colleges accused of African "land grabs"

The questionable, unchecked, speculative practices of large financial institutions that sent the world into a near-calamitous economic recession recently are being repeated in Africa through land-grabbing deals, The Oakland Institute, a California-based think tank, said in a recent report.
Hedge funds are partaking in "largely unregulated land purchases" throughout the continent that essentially amount to "the conversion of African small farms and forests into a natural-asset-based, high-return investment strategy" and are often nothing more than "land grabs," the report states.
Additionally, several American universities, including Harvard, Vanderbilt, Spellman, and Iowa universities, are also taking part in or providing funds for the practice that "is resulting in the displacement of small farmers, environmental devastation, water loss and further political instability such as the food riots that preceded the Tunisian and Egyptian revolutions," the reports states.
While the report does not claim the deals break any laws per se, it does strongly insinuate the local population does not reap anything near the promised benefits, whereas the mostly foreign investors in some cases can expect to get up to 25 percent returns.
Much of the money is reportedly funneled through London-based Emergent asset management, which runs one of Africa's largest land acquisition funds, The Guardian reports. A spokesman for Emergent defended the practice to the Guardian, saying: "Yes, university endowment funds and pension funds are long-term investors. We are investing in African agriculture and setting up businesses and employing people. We are doing it in a responsible way ... The amounts are large. They can be hundreds of millions of dollars. This is not landgrabbing. We want to make the land more valuable. Being big makes an impact, economies of scale can be more productive."
Chinese and Middle Eastern outfits have long been accused of similar practices, but the Oakland Institute report claims the European and American funds are behind many of the biggest deals.
Ethiopia, Mali, Sierra Leone, Mozambique, Tanzania and South Sudan are among the countries most affected by the deals, and they often come with incentives for speculators ranging from unlimited water, oil and timber rights to tax waivers.
In 2009 alone, these largely non-transparent purchases gobbled up nearly 60 million hectares - an area the size of France, the report claims.
"No one should believe that these investors are there to feed starving Africans, create jobs or improve food security," said Obang Metho with the Solidarity Movement for New Ethiopia, in the report. "These land grab agreements - many of which could be in place for 99 years - do not mean progress for local people and will not lead to food in their stomachs. These deals lead only to dollars in the pockets of corrupt leaders and foreign investors."


Source: cbsnews.com

Speak To Me

‘A man’s spoken words says much about the size of his heart, his written words reveals the quality of his brain.’ -Chidinma, 360nobs.com


Truer words were never spoken. I don't know what it is about a well-spoken, well written man that is just electrifying. If a man cannot speak properly or write coherently, there is nothing he can do for me at all. 
I remember once, i assisted a friend by critiquing one of his academic papers. OMG, i have never seen such nonsense in all my life! Grammar and punctuation errors everywhere. It was at that point that I understood why teachers/professors hate grading papers (even though that hasn't stopped then from assigning them...but i digress). I was only checking the grammatical issues and flow of the paper and it took me almost 3 hours to get through. Imagine if i had to actually read through for the facts and arguments he was presenting (and mind you i started off trying to do that too since i had studied the subject before, but very quickly gave it up). I didn't even want to be his friend anymore after that because clearly making me read that crap could be considered an act of terrorism. I told him, he should pay for my services because that was painful.


Another instance, was with a guy i was dating. He was a good looking guy, had a job, treated me nice, etc. But every time he opened his mouth i just cringed. He's a southerner so he has that "down south" twang (if you need a visual/auditory example, think about the rapper Plies). Holy smokes. Now i have a very diverse group of friends all with their own accents which i can appreciate. But there is just something about that southern twang/drawl that I just cannot get with. Kinda like dealing with the "h-factor" and the "r-factor"...you hear it all the time but it can still make you cringe a little lol (no letleat, no sullender!)


But on the flipside- a well spoken man can charm the pants off of you without even trying. I don't just mean people who have a grasp on the English language. I'm talking about those men that make every thing they say sound seductive. For that reason i love creative, poetic, musical men. Any man that can write creatively has an automatic advantage over the opposition. And if you can do spoken word...oh boy look out because LadyNgo is coming for you. I recall the first time i met my friend Reggie. He was doing spoken word at an event i was attending. When i say mesmerized. I mean he was already devilishly handsome. But then he spoke and I was completely done for. LOL. Once he stopped speaking and i finished dabbing the drool off of my chin i knew right then and there that if i did not have this man, i definitely needed to have someone who possessed some sort of eloquence in his diction. 
Sidenote: you can check out my friend Reggie here and if you are on fb, visit his fanpage

Additional Sidenote: I just finished watching Return of Blackberry Babes(1&2). Other than the fact that we don't get to laugh at/with Apollonia and Emeka this time around and we now have to look at Muna Obiekwe and his unnecessary nakedness, i liked these two better than the 1st parts.