Monday, January 31, 2011

Never Settle For Less...

Let me start by saying that this post is inspired by a plethora of different shows, radio programs, and commentary that i've been hearing over the past few months.

The big question proposed is "why can't black women find a [good] man?"

A lot of the things i hear in response of course are we're too strong(on that independent women, i don't need no man mentality), we're too bossy, were too ghetto, our standards are too high, blah blah blah. The one that always always ALWAYS sticks out to me are that our standards are too high. Says who???

Why should we (and that includes any set of women) have to lower our standards to get a man? Why can't men step their game up? Now, i can understand if you insist that your man be 6'2, broad shouldered, skin the color of dark chocolate, a smile that can melt an iceberg, be CEO of a Fortune500 company, live in a beautiful mansion on a hill and have a different car for everyday of the week... then yes, you do need to get your @$$ off your shoulders and take a sip of some reality-juice because you're standards are way too high-- unless of course you have all those things too (like Lyfe Jennings says, "don't be a nickel out here lookin for a dime").

But the average woman (and sometimes even a woman who does have all those things) isn't looking for all of that. Most women are looking for someone that will love, honor, and respect them. Someone who loves God, loves his mama, and will appreciate and give of himself fully to his wife and family. Now that doesn't seem like too much to me.

Now having said all of that, I will say that yes sometimes, even the average woman has some things that are just ridiculous when it comes to standards and it is those superfluous attributes that we judge men on that will keep up from getting a good one. We all have (or will for the youngin's) fallen victim at some point in life, whether we realize it or not. I know i got a couple of those "if i woulda known the boy next door woulda been you..." situations in my life lol. But i digress.

Also, i will say that we as black women, particularly African-American women, need to be a bit more open in whom we consider candidates for relationships. I feel like a lot of us have tunnel vision when it comes to dating. All we see a possibilities are black (more specifically african-american) men. While im not the biggest fan of interracial dating (only because I've never even really encountered any non-black people on a large scale until i went to college) but its time to wake up and realize that a lot of black men aren't waiting around for their "nubian queen" anymore. Being open to interracial and heck even inter-cultural relationships is something i think needs to be brought to the forefront of our minds. And i mention inter-cutltural because i know quite a few black women whom have never even interacted with non-american black men (african, caribbean, blah blah blah) let alone considered dating them. Let's face it ladies, the pickings are mighty slim for settling down with a black man. Between the ones in jail, jobless, gangsters/thugs/street pharmacists, only interested in dating white/latina women, or gay- either on the DL or flaming (how u doin! lol), we don't have a lot to chose from!

But there are still plenty of good ones out there. I know im trying to get me one! ;)

Just a little clip i found-

Friday, January 28, 2011

A New Perspective on 2011 (ha- that rhymed a lil)

2011 has already brought so many changes to me life. I wouldn't necessarily call them major changes per se, but definitely changes to my outlook and what i want to see happen in the near future. As I am progressing in life, I have started trying to think a bit more realistically about my future. Finishing graduate school, finding a life partner/settling down, my career path, etc. Not to say that i've never thought of things before (because i definitely have), i'm just taking a different mind set to these things.

I have also been thinking about adding more enjoyment to my life. I have always been the mature one, the sense of reason, the one that picks up EVERYONE'S slack when i know something that needs to get done, isnt getting done. At this point i'm tired of being that person. I just want to get out and enjoy life. And sometimes i feel bad about that. Not that I don't think i deserve to have fun but like i said i've always been the responsible girl and while im out gallivanting there's other work that i could/should be doing.

Either way, I have decided that my 2011 will be a year of work AND fun, triumph and travel, and any other goofy euphemism that will accurately describe my thoughts. By the end of this year, I intend to:


  1. join at a professional society
  2. join at a social organization either on campus or in the community
  3. travel to at least 2 places
    1. i actually have both trips semi-planned but both might fall through because the dependent factors-1 a travel partner, the other a person i plan on visiting- are proving to be a bit of a hassle at the moment.
  4. Get a graduate assistantship in my program
  5. Crank that 3.5+ GPA

Yeah, its not a long list. This new perspective is just that, new! Give me a few months and I'm sure i'll be back with an updated post with more goals for the year.

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Lil Kim vs Nicki Minaj

When Nicki Minaj first came out I was determined not to like her. In my mind she was nothing more than a big gimmick. Not to mention a complete swagger-jacker and a weirdo lol. But the more i listen to her, the more i like her songs lol. I just wish she would shut the hell up about Lil Kim already! Yes you copied her, and yes she is feeling some kind of way about it. WTF did you expect to happen?!? Its not like Nicki mimicked Kim a lil bit here and there...her entire marketing strategy were 100% Lil Kim knockoffs.

Now i've been listening to Romans Revenge and Black Friday recently. First, i didnt even know that Romans Revenge came out first...i just heard it for the first time like 2 weeks ago lol. Now had Black Friday come out 1st then i'd understand why she wrote Romans Revenge. But thats not the case. Either way, Romans Revenge is probably the dumbest crap i've ever heard lol. Like all it is, is a bunch of words that rhyme. Theres like 2 or 3 lines that im like "aaaaawwww shit, she said that!" lol. The rest is BS. And thats part of the reason why i don't like Nicki (and half these "rappers" these days). Once upon a time lyrics were actually supposed to say something- not just be words out of the rhyming dictionary!

Anywho, my stance is this: Kim is not competition for Nicki and vice versa. Yeah Nicki is hot right now but Kim been hot for over a decade! To this day I still bump Lil Kim songs from the 90s. Everything that Nicki is doin now, Kim has already done if not pioneered. And for as much crap as Nicki talks, guaranteed when the next "Nicki Minaj" comes around, she's gonna be just as salty as she claims Kim is and the circle will continue to go on.

At the end of the day i like both women as artists. I think Nicki needs to just do her own thing and stop trying to drum up business by talkin about Kim every 2 seconds

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Igba Nkwu

The older I get, the heavier the expectation to marry and have a family weighs on me- especially since i've already graduated from college. It used to be that the Nigerian side of the family was itching for me to settle down but now the American side has started in as well. I have even started giving myself lil "lets get it together" pep talks lol. I knew my time was coming when I started dreaming about men coming to my father's house because they wanted to "pick a flower from the garden" (my Naija people know what i'm talking about lol).

I really want to have an Igba Nkwu (traditional Igbo wedding aka wine carrying ceremony). Obviously since my fam is in the US its not really an option for me to do it full up. But I still fully intend to have a slightly watered down version of one at my "white wedding". I hope my future husband (whomever the heck he might be since he clearly hasn't made himself known to me yet) is down cuz this is non-negotiable for me lol.