Wednesday, October 12, 2011

one bad apple

Once upon a time i was seeing this person. I was keeping this person a secret because there were no concrete lines drawn as to where the friendlationship was going and quite frankly it was none of anybody's business anyway but as usual, somehow the info slipped (at a social gathering no less) and i started getting the 3rd degree from all directions. Who is he, where did you meet him, do we know him, and the inevitable (when you're conversing with a bunch of fellow africans) is he African/Nigerian?

I replied, don't worry about who he is, don't worry about where i met him, no you don't know him, and yes he's Nigerian.

All of this was met with a chorus of "oohs" and "aahs" except for one particular naysayer. This chickie was a bit skeptical and took things a step further and said "Ugh, why would you date another Nigerian? Especially after what happened with ChukwuBlankityBlank (*names coded to protect the not-so-innocent)?"

I just kinda looked at her and cocked my eyebrow. Like, really, i should cut off an entire population of people because of 1 douchebag (though i can't front, said douchebag royally f**ked my life and i definitely considered um reducing the amount of time i spent conversing with 9ja guys as a result)? She went on to comment about how she was done with African guys in general but she was ALL THE WAY DONE with Nigerian guys because blah blah blah whatever. I know they say 1 bad apple spoils the bunch but thats really an awful way to approach life. Sitting there blocking your blessings because you have a chip on your shoulder is not gonna win you any medals.

Similarly, I don't ever want to be that bad apple (though i already have been in a roundabout kind of way...yeah im a heartbreaker sometimes lol). I don't want to be the girl that made some man turn to the dark side (whatever that may be). They say, when a man gets his heart broken, the next 10 (or whatever arbitrary number) women pay the price for it (and they claim women are supposed to be the sensitive ones. go figure). Since i've been on the receiving end of this "that b!tch ruined my life and now im gonna take it out on the world" treatment, im doing my best not to be the catalyst for such behavior in my future boo-loves.

Takeaway point of the day: Don't let one bad apple spoil the bunch....and don't be that bad apple!


  1. Interesting post;Love it and I've surely learnt something, especially the " not want to be the gal dat made some man turn to the dark side...." part.

  2. thnx lady Ngo, will keep to your point in mind... "Don't let one bad apple spoil the bunch....and don't be" that bad apple!

  3. This is reasonable.Funny thing is that idea only is perfect literally,but in things pertaining life,it really rarely applies.You gave an example to substantiate my point.

  4. I totally agree. You can't let one person's action block your blessings, you never know. One person cannot possibly represent a whole nationality of people. ;)

  5. well, i know it is difficult for most people not to generalize when they have been hurt by people from a certain place. in fact, people dont even need to get hurt to generalize. ('nigerians are frauds', 'arabs are terrorists', 'ibos are too money conscious' etc. get my drift). i think its just human nature. Though somehow, i escaped that nature. i always tend to pin the sin down to the sinner and the sinner alone! letting the other people prove themselves. well, thats just me

  6. I was in your shoes once trying to hide my relationship until somehow the bomb dropped- still don't know how it slipped till today but who cares since I am married to him. I do agree with you about not judging a clan by one bad person. Sometimes some of those people speak without thinking, ignore them because this may just be the one that works out.

  7. A sinner should bear his burden alone, that's what it should be but that hardly happens. I'm sure I'd learn not to "let one apple spoil the bunch" and I wouldn't let that bad apple be me.

  8. Very true. The one bad apple thing has a lot of Black Americans effed up in the game as well. It's how we have Black men who REFUSE to date Black women because some chick in high school smudged his puma.

    It's ridiculous.

    To court off a whole section of a population (black, white, or otherwise) limits your chances of finding what you want.

    Good for you!

  9. Never carry over the bad meal of yesterday to today cook a new

  10. ChukwuBlankityBlank! LOL

    Well said, m'dear!


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