Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Dating your friend's ex

There's a lot that goes into making the decision to date your friend's ex or your ex's friend. Loyalty is usually the biggest concern. Followed by pride and some other feelings and emotions.

Is it ever really ok to date a friend's ex? Would you be ok with your friend dating your ex?  I know for me, i've always said that i could never date someone that i know was with one of my friends. Its just weird and goes against "girl code" (and im sure its a man-law violation as well). And there are definitely some people from my past that despite being over them, i'd have a fit if one of my friends/associates decided to hook up with them.

Are there special circumstances that would make it easier or more difficult to date a friend's ex? I think there are. Yeah i used to say that i could never date someone my friend dated. But honestly, there are certain circumstances that can play a role. For example, if i knew that they had been a couple at some point but it happened before i knew them (thus i wasn't there to see it) i think i'd be able to look past it. Kind of an "out of sight, out of mind" thing. Pics or it didn't happen! Also, if they weren't serious, i.e. were having a fling or just smashing, i think i'd be a little more open to the idea. And of course, how close of friends me and the person is makes a pretty sizeable difference.

Can you handle the backlash of dating someone that previously dated your friend? I think this is what most people who get themselves into these situations have the most trouble dealing with. Now if the two people had a lowkey relationship and most people didn't associate them together, it makes it a lot easier for the friend to get with the ex. But when the relationship is public and people by default associate Susie with Bob, there's gonna be a lot of trash talk (whether they be whispers and side-eyes or full out questioning) when they start seeing Susie with Bob's best friend Joe! Also, If you are really going to enter into a relationship with your friends ex, theres the risk that you may lose your friend (and any other friends that were part of you're clique) even if they said they didn't mind you dating their ex.

What things do you need to take into consideration when you get in a situation like this? I think the first think you need to think about is whether or not the relationship is worth losing your friendship over. Even if you end up getting married, having a family and living a long blessed life together with this person, are u going to be bitter about losing that friendship? The next thing is, is this even gonna be a relationship? If you are just sexually attracted to the person, is it really worth all the headache to toot it and boot it? And lastly, even if you know this person is one you want to build a long lasting relationship and possibly sacrifice the friendship over, can you deal with all the gossip and rumors and judgement?

What say you folks? Have you ever considered dating a friend's ex? Would you let a friend's objections stand in the way of you and what you perceive to be true love?

Coming Tomorrow: Dating your ex's friend: The other side of the coin

5 comments:

  1. This is a very thorny one. I usually say it's OK to date your friend's ex but you have to be sure you have to heart and the love to go through everything that comes with it.

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  2. Actually,dating a friend's ex is against the bro code! But,i could date my ex's friend sha,i've never seen a code against that.*evil laughs*.But,if we parted as friends,then i would save her the drama.

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  3. Unless the relationship was like 2nd-grade serious, then I don't think you should date a good friends' ex. Usually it ends up changing the dynamics of your friendship, but if you're willing to sacrifice that, then go for it.

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  4. I concur with @Carrymel for sure, I aint dating anyone any of my man's had feelings for

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  5. I wouldnt date someone my friend has dated. but I think I wouldnt mind if my girl dates my ex. If things didnt work out between us but they get on jammingly well I dont think I'll mind. When I am over with someone i am truly over.
    I will only feel bad if he left me for her or something like that...

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