Thursday, June 23, 2011

Unrequited Love

Goodness, is that not one of the worst feelings in the world...to love someone and not have them love you back. Ugh. Its even worse when you actually KNOW it vs just thinking it. You might as well rip my heart out, put between two pieces of bread and eat right there! #OverlyDramatic

I have somewhat of a tale of unrequited love that i feel like sharing, for no particular reason, so read if u like.

Me and Blue had this back-and-forth "thing" since we were about 9 years old until i moved away for college. Long time right?!? Pretty much a whole decade. Of course when we were 9, the only thing we did was hold hands, ride bikes/roller skate together, and giggle and make googly-eyes at one another when we saw each other at school. Very innocent stuff. But i can honestly say that even back then, not even knowing what love really was, it was luv. And even at that young age, every1 just knew LadyNgo and Blue would be together forever.

As we got older of course, life happened and we drifted apart (despite the fact that we live only about 4 houses away from each other lol).  There were times when he liked me but i didn't like him. Similarly, there were times when i liked him but he didn't like me. And there were those random times when we liked each other but one thing or another always managed to louse things up. He was also 2 years ahead of me in school and 1 year ahead in age,* so there were a lot of times when we were not in the same school which made it easier for him to go his way and me to go mine.

*for clarification- the way my school system worked was that if you were born after December 1 (which i was) you were kept back a year from starting school because they felt you weren't ready because you'd be so young. Stupid rule in my opinion but it is what it is

Around summer of 2003, we shared a moment that should have led somewhere but again, for whatever reason didn't, and I ended up with Red, my now former fiance.

By the time summer of 2005 rolled around, me and Red were through, i had just graduated high school and was enjoying my last couple of months before i went away to college. Somehow someway, Blue made his way back into my every day life. We spent a majority of the summer reconnecting and enjoying each others company. Chillin on the block (you ain't know LadyNgo was a thug lol), going to the beach, riding out to the city...making up for lost time if you will. We even had the same car lol. Mine was a white honda with burgundy interior and his was a burgundy honda with burgundy interior His was nicer than mine though lol, my lil putt-putt was a piece of crap but i rode that sucker til the wheels fell off! (But to be fair, me and Red had the same car too. I really don't know how that lil jumble of coincidence happened) He was the only man that i ever let my drive my car (up until that point at least) so you know it was serious lol.

One day, i was sitting outside on my porch when Blue's older brothers (whom over time had become like my brothers too) came walking down the street and stopped to talk to me. Since, in talking to me, they ended up missing their bus, they asked if i could drive them to Lakeview. I wasn't doing anything and gas wasn't an arm and a leg back then so i agreed. So we're driving and the following convo ensues:

Me: So where do you want me to drop you off at
Brother1: At Uncle (so-and-so)'s house
Me: LOL, as if i know where that is
Brother1: What?!? Blue never brought you over there?
Me: *insert strange look* No, why would he?
Brother1: You know why!
Me: No...i don't. Please, enlighten me!
Brother2: When are you and Blue gonna stop playing around and get together???
Me: WHAT!
Brother2: Please, don't front like you don't know. Ya'll been playing this game for how many years now. You the only girl Blue every brings around the house, the only girl we've all accepted as part of the family (Blue has 3 older brothers and 2 younger sisters all of whom are like fam to me still to this day), the only one he talks about like that Shit, you and Red should have never even dated. You know Blue was planning on asking you to be his girl right around the time you and Red started going out.

So at this point we nearly crashed because i simply couldn't believe what the eff i was hearing. Considering the SERIOUSLY tumultuous relationship me and Red had, and all the love me and Blue had for one another, to hear something like this can make you want to stab somebody.

Anyhow, i drop them off and I go home and do some tall thinking about the situation. Eventually i decided to talk to Blue about this and of course he confirms everything that his brothers told me. If looks could kill, he would've been 8 feet under (not even 6 ft!) So of course I asked why the hell did things go down the way they did and he said basically that he thought that I had already been dating Red when he and I had our moment, which pissed him off because i guess he thought i was leading him on or using him or whatever. So he decided then that he was gonna let me do me and he was gonna do him. (Which made sense because the whole time me and Red were together, me and Blue NEVER talked). And of course this infuriated me more because truth be told, I didn't even KNOW Red when me and Blue were doing our thing. All i know is, after we had our moment, Blue vanished into thin air and in came Red and the rest is history.

After going round and round the mulberry bush silently contemplating the "what if" question, we ended that conversation with the inevitable 'well there's nothing we can do about it now' especially since by this point I think i only had about a week or two left before i was leaving and I knew my parents were moving away as well. We spent time for my remaining weeks in town and had one final goodbye before i left and for the most part, that was that. I have seen him a couple of times when i would go visit the neighborhood (my sister still lives on our old street and his family does too...funny enough, he and my sister's husband have some sort of familial relationship so theres no real escaping him even if i wanted to). We've both since moved on though. We're still cool and everything.

So...that's my story. A whole lot going on there with the bouts of unrequited love, some "you snooze you lose" and "closed mouths don't get fed" and "what if, what if" moments mixed in for good measure.
My life has always been one calamity after another like this lol. And folks wonder why i'm so diligent about keeping my diaries. This stuff is literary gold lol. I'm just waiting til im too old to feel shame so i can write my memoirs.

**I hope i didn't paint a negative picture of Red in the post. Despite all the damn drama that came with our relationship i don't regret it and i did love him very very much. Im sure in the future i'll be compelled to share the story of me and Red's relationship but not today.

10 comments:

  1. 1sttttttttttttt????


    like d way u highlighted blue in "blue and red in "red, urm am i making sense??? :)

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  2. LOL @ "but i rode that sucker til the wheels fell off!".Well,i see this on twitter almost very often "The fact that you're in ove with some doesn't mean you must end up together",so it's a good thing you guys have moved on.

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  3. Its good you have moved on,i believe if its meant to be,it someday will. The drama surrounding LOVE is one only GOD understands. lol @ (you ain't know LadyNgo was a thug)..thanks for sharing this.

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  4. So was it an unrequited love, or a missed opportunity because of lack of communication.

    One thing that is true though, is that you have to sometimes bite the bullet and tell the person how you feel. Not necessarily to convince them to be with you, so that they know, and that you don't wonder and say "What if..." when you then about that person. I did that recently with someone. Although I don't think we could be together because he just keeps fuggin up, I told him I loved him anyway. For whatever it was worth, and I have a feeling that it was worth nothing, I said it. He knows. End of story. It's all a risk anyway - if you tell him he may run; if you tell him he may stay. So what. Just roll the dice because love is gamble no matter how you slice it.

    Am I preaching? Sawry. Just saying what's on my mind that's all. I hope ya don't mind.

    :)

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  5. hmmm...talk abt golden memoirs.
    i tink the gud (tho not sweet) thing to take out of thig to take out of this is that u too are still frnds after all said n done..

    lol @ "you snooze you lose" and "closed mouths don't get fed"

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  6. I really admire your openness, Lady Ngo.

    And I love this quote from your post cos it resonates with my own feelings about things I'm waiting to write about when the time comes:

    "I'm just waiting til I'm too old to feel shame so I can write my memoirs."

    Too true. Lol.

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  7. You're right indeed this is literary gold. The best time to write it is now you know?

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  8. This is really interesting! Lol Myne- you just want to read story :p I actually know how you feel, believe it or not. This story was like reading an aspect of my life. What ifs are really horrible

    Adiya

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  9. @LG: yeah, i get what ur saying lol

    @9ja-Great: The sad things is i literally drove it until it was not driveable anymore. And I agree, not everyone you love is the one you're gonna end up with

    @DiDi: lol, thug life! Thanks for reading

    EyesOTP: please, feel free my dear. I am the queen of leaving dissertations in the comment box so i welcome it from others :)

    @leobabe: Thats one of the things that i treasure is the fact that we have been able to remain friends all this time

    @Adura: Thanks hun. Look for my book to drop in about 50 years lol

    @Myne: You're not even the first person to tell me i should just do it. But idk yet. I'm really contemplating it though.

    @Adiya: hahaha, @Myne being nosy lol. What ifs are the worst of almost any relationship woe because there's never an answer for it.

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  10. If looks could kill, he would've been 8 feet under (not even 6 ft!)
    I would have been so maadd. but you are braver for moving on. I would have still been living in world 'what if' and prolly made more mistakes. At least this way..there's a chance it willbe a bit like the 'if its yours it will come back' blah blah. Thanks for sharing.

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