Friday, June 3, 2011

How long is too long? + other questions

In keeping with the whole "wedding fever" theme i have a question for you lovely people:

How long is too long to wait for a marriage proposal?

Personally, at this stage in the game, i think anything more than like 2 years is a bit of an issue...considering that I have a timeline i'm trying to keep. I am trying to be done "raising kids" by the time im 50. As in, the last kid needs to be out of the womb by the time im 32. Now if i only have 1 kid, then i have plenty of time. But if we're talking 2 or 3 then i kinda need to get crackin ASAP, no? In addition to having a house free of minors by age 50, i also don't want my kids to be too close in age. I don't want to be changing more than 1 set of diapers at a time. I honestly want the first to be completely potty-trained by the time im pregnant with the second, if there is a second. Also, i don't want to rush into having kids. I want to enjoy married life, be spontaneous, and focus on just me and the hubby for at least a year or 2 before kids come into the picture.

In case you were wondering, I completely understand how unrealistic this all is. Not only because i know everything happens on God's time and not my own, but also by my own standards and calculations, i should've been married a year ago if i wanted to have 3 kids lol. 

In my wedding obsession i have been reading a lot about the topic as of late. I've seen all kinds of ridiculous reasons why people (mainly guys) put off tying the knot. I know there are good reasons (not financially stable, still in school, not ready for that commitment- im actually on the fence about that one) but i've also heard a lot of bs excuses too. Things like "i can't afford the wedding" (simple solution- save up during the engagement period and have a wedding thats within your means), "i can't afford to buy you a ring" ( then buy me a cubic zirconia and upgrade me when we got the funds for a nice ring), "im not ready to settle down" (but we're already in a committed relationship. don't wanna say whats the difference, but whats the difference?) and my favorite: "im not sure you're the one for me" (this excuse is less and less effective with each passing year).
So my next question to you all is:
What do you think is a reasonable excuse for putting off getting married/popping the question?

I don't feel like writing anymore so im just gonna ask ya'll some more questions and anxiously await your feedback lol. #TeamLazy

How long is too long to be engaged?
Do you think people should live together before they get married?
What would be a reason for you to call off your wedding?
What would be a reason for you to get a divorce?

And i'm spent! LOL. look forward to reading you're responses. Hope everyone has a safe and pleasant weekend :)

PS: allow me to throw in there that i'm in no real rush to get married nor am i trying to throw any hints anywhere lol. Im just curious to know you all's opinion, I promise lol.


  1. just found your blog through someone else. To answer your question, if we are both grown, meaning we can reasonably take care of ourselves, I don't see a good reason to put off getting married. When a man is ready, he will get married. If he is being slowful, it might mean that he's just not that into you.

  2. loving d topic so lemme jump in:

    Reasonable excuse: FINANCIAL!!! it just saves a lot of headache. u dnt have to be bill gates but have ur act together. still in school..ok. as for im not ready for the commitment and i dnt think ur d one for me....i actually like those excuses cos dats my cue to get my bags together and get it stepping.

    How long is too long to get engaged: depending on how long you guys dated before the engagement, anything between 2 - 5 years is reasonable cos you guys might have gotten engaged in college and need time to get on ur feet or something like dat sha.

    Living together before marriage: personally, no! I have been hearing so much about minimizing husband and wife privileges before the official "i do", i agree....#teamkeepittraditional

    Call off wedding: cheating and baby mama (cos its just some time before that becomes baby mama drama) and baby that i didnt born for u. Also, overbearing mother in law and inlaws in general. shady business like 419 dealing and yahoo yahoo cos no one will be collecting on my assets. criminal record (dis one and cheating is context based so I may be able to make exceptions....rarely)

    Reason to get divorced: same as above. except for the inlaws parts. as wife, im willing to work past pesty inlaws for sake of marriage. criminal record and cheating - especially when kids are involved, i may be more forgivin

  3. 1=What do you think is a reasonable excuse for putting off getting married/popping the question?

    Finance...if a man does not feel financial stable he wont pop the question.

    How long is too long to be engaged?
    A year is too for engagement. But dating....errr i have no clue, people date 3 months and marry others 7 or ten years.

    3 Do you think people should live together before they get married?
    Nope. Bad idea.

  4. No, I don't think an unmarried couple should live together, first, because it gives room for sexual sin, and second, it reduces the excitement of living together after marriage (there's really nothing new to look forward to).

    My former Pastor used to say; don't do "Methuselah Courtship"...i.e. an unnecessarily long engagement period, as again, it could make room for sexual sin.

    I think that cheating/adultery is good enough reason to call off a wedding or seek a divorce.

    Health could also be a valid reason for delaying a wedding.

  5. how longs too long for engagement? 1year i guess
    Dating on the other hand can be really long, i guess it depends on the circumstance a lot of people have good reasons
    i dated a guy 6years b4, but then again we started really young

    i dont think two unmarried people should live together, but then again ive done it, X_X , there wasnt any bad effect from it ( im just throwing this out there) again it depends on the two people

    what can make me end my marriage? physical abuse and emotional cheating (maybe not sexual)

    what can make me end an engagement cheating of any type, physical abuse, unnecessary lies

  6. i do not believe in engagement over a year biko time is ticking dating yes engagement NO!! what can make me end an engagement hmmm... cheating,and baby mama drama heck that will make me end a relationship sef,i do not believe couples should live together before marriage

  7. 1. It is too long when it is more than a year
    2. Finance
    3. Over 6 months
    4. No
    5. Infidelity or a Word from God
    6. Same as above

  8. Well,it depends on the individuals involved.There's no marked favorable time! Meanwhile i'd put off popping the question is i sense i might be making a terrible mistake.I'd call off my engagement if i realize after i popped the question she's still seeing someone else and finally nothing would make me get a divorce that's why i'm gonna take my time.

  9. Putting of getting married - finances is important (but at least pop the question and explain to the woman...just saying)
    Engagement - 10-12months is just right!(I am considering 6 months of marriage classes if you are Catholic)
    I dont subscribe to living together but there are also myriad of reasons why people end up living together...
    I will call off a wedding if there is recent cheating, major lies(AIDS status, infertility) or any form of abuse.

  10. Mmmmh how long is too long? I'm with you on that one- say not more than 2 years cause by then you guys should have made up your mind na? I am sooo not for living together outside of marriage- that arrangement totally suits only the guy since he has all the benefits of marriage without having to commit hisssssssssss.

    And the reasons for calling off the marriage would definitely be cheating, abuse, lies (the hardcore ones) and indecision even if its just on his part. Calling off a marriage would probably just be abuse and the hardcore lies, aaand maybe more hardcore cheating? (i'm not sure here, depends on what the situation is i suppose)



  11. A year long engagement
    Won't live with a dude before getting married.
    Infidelity & abuse
    Infidelity & abuse.

    PS: Thanks for your comment. Love your blog.

  12. hw long?...i tink it depends n the pple...most pple court for a short time a it wrks out others court for yearssss and break up within the first year of marriage(O_o),so its takes maturity from both parties and grace from baba God to make it work

    Live togeda before marriage....its takes away the excitement reserved for marriage..

  13. hmmmmm....i really dunno sister... IF it happens, it happens!....but long courtship is definitely not so good!


Feel free to share your thoughts too