Friday, April 8, 2011


So the topic has come up several times over the past few weeks of what to do if a couple finds out that one of them (lets say the wife) can't bear children. What should/could the couple do? Overwhelmingly, the result has been that the man will leave the wife and look for another that is capable of bearing children.

For me, I am not 100% sure that I want kids. Some of you have seen me talking about questioning being a mother because of the crazy world we live in and fear of having something bad happen to my kids. But thats not completely it. There's a lot of reasons (that i don't feel like getting in to) why i'm not sure about having babies. And God forbid i should find the man of my dreams and he decides he no longer wants to be with me because he wants a stable of children and i'm teetering around wanting 0-3.

So yes, thats why its personal for me. Because i can quite clearly see myself being the victim of "i don't want you because you don't want to/can't have kids."

Now, I know that the desire to have children is different and of different importance to everyone. So I can understand why being with a partner who is barren (such an ugly word) may be cause for considerable concern. I get that. And i try not to judge when i hear people (men) say "oh i could never be with a woman who can't bear my children". But its hard to keep a straight face when i hear such things.

What's even worse is if you've already married this person and later find out that she can't have kids so you just leave. What in hell is that about??? When you took those vows to love and cherish, in SICKNESS and in health, forsaking ALL OTHERS, 'til death do you part- nowhere in there did it say it was cool to bounce because of infertility. I don't even understand how you can leave the person you love...the person you wanted to share the rest of your life with, because of something that's not even under her control. It truly boggles the mind.

Not everyone is meant to have kids. Having kids is God's will. Did you ever stop to think that maybe it is you, the man, who God meant not to have any children. And thus in creating this woman for you, the result was her being barren? Do you know how many children exist in this world already that are in need of a good home via adoption or foster care? Ugh, the whole thing just makes me mad.I hope this one is not my own burden to bear and that if for some reason it is, that whomever i am with will stick it out with me.

*This just my own view. Im not here to be anyone's judge and jury so i hope i've not offended anyone :)


  1. I want kids, i'm jst scared of the whole pregnancy, labor ish. BUT if i marry a man that cnt give me kids, or (God forbid) i am unable to give birth to kids, it'll be real messed up if one of us walks away jst cos we cnt have kids afterall marriage should be bout love and companionship. Anyways, there are so many orphanages with new born babies so that's always an option. :)

  2. I think you're being too hard on yourself when you think like this by saying "Because i can quite clearly see myself being the victim of "i don't want you because you don't want to/can't have kids." I would rather believe you're the type that your husband would love you like Christ loves the church and give himself for you, no matter what.

    True there's so much drama regarding child-bearing and marriage but don't dwell too much on the negative. Every marriage, every relationship, no matter how fantastic it seems is a lot of hard work so a lot of times, there's more than meets the eyes.

    I like Kitkat's comment.

    Do take care. :-)

  3. @kitkat- yeah the whole actually being pregnant and the labor and all that was part of why im apprehensive about being a parent.

    @Maid of Heart-I didn't mean for it to sound like i am anticipating that particular situation happen. I just meant that with my current views on becoming a parent, I know that its could possibly happen if i get with someone who really wants them. Thanks for the kinds words though, much appreciated :)


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