Friday, April 15, 2011

How sacred is the v-card?!?

Please ignore my rambling...i tried to create some sort of method to the madness here as best as i could lol


So the tale as old as time is that a virgin is more desirable, worthy, coveted, *insert adjective here* when a man is looking for a bride (since we've been socialized to believe that while women are supposed to be chaste and keep themselves, men are allowed to be slores. To which i reply- then who are they supposed be slutting it up with? But thats a whole other story).
Do you agree? Fellas, if somehow you were granted some kind of mystical power to make your potential bride to be a virgin, would you use it? Why or why not?

I'll keep it 100 and say that if my future hubby is interested in marrying a virgin, he missed the boat. Sorry future boo! Do i regret that or feel some kind of way about that? Sometimes i do, but most times i don't. Its life and what has happened, has happened *Kanye shrug*

With that being said, I do see the value in having something special that your hubby can say (to himself cuz there's no need to talk about our bedroom mambo to the world) only he has gotten from you. But shouldn't that be you're undying love and commitment? Shouldn't that be the vow you took before God to love, honor, cherish *insert verb here* for the rest of your lives?

So why so much emphasis on a woman's virginity status? Why do some men get stars in their eyes when they hear a girl still has her V-Card? And how do we even define virginity? How can you even tell a woman is a virgin? Because trust me, blood on the bedsheets (or lack thereof) the first night is not proof. A woman can tear her hymen at any point in life (exercising, playing sports, being involved in an accident, etc). Similarly, one can undergo hymenoplasty and you won't be any the wiser. Tightness isn't proof either because the va-jay-jay contains elastin- it stretches and contracts. So unless your mate has had a baby or has been engaging in some SERIOUSLY deviant behavior, this is not a valid assessment either.

So again, i do feel like there are special things that only a husband and wife should share, even on the most basic levels. I know and i've made it quite clear to the people i've dated in the past that there are things (in and out of the bedroom) that i only plan on doing with my husband. Ever heard the expression "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free"? Yeah, i fully subscribe to that notion. For example, i've seen chicks (even as young as high school age) that completely cater to their boyfriends- cooking their meals, cleaning their apartments, doing their laundry, etc. so much so that (some) guys have come to expect it. WTF? It couldn't be me, and i'm a grown ass woman! Yeah i might make you dinner every once in a while or possibly help you out domestically but come on now. Thats not going to be a regular occurrence at the boyfriend/girlfriend stage! I'm not your mama, your wife, your maid or your slave so why would i be doing these things?

Man i could go on and on with this topic but its nearly 6pm and i havent eaten anything all day lol. So with that i bid you, dear readers, adieu! Have a lovely weekend everyone :)

12 comments:

  1. Not ll guys love virgins, infact, most guys i know dont want to marry virgins lol. For me, virginity is not so much about pleasing my hubby on our wedding night, its about my morals and not wanting std's lol. I dont get all the fuss over it though, a virgin might have engaged in very dirty sexual stuff prior to her marriage, and being a non-virgin shouldnt automatically mean a woman is wayward..xx

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  2. virginity....hmmm...this issue! has caused fights! i think its a personal choice to keep or not to keep...and most virgins have done what even pornstars would be envious of so abeg make we leave that matter.lol

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  3. Viriginity is not equal to chastitity, I think most people have that twisted. It comes a time when a woman decides what to do with her OWN body (religion n morals aside). And yeap... Double standards is the order of the day, especially in Nigeria, men can do whatever but women are supposed to be "VIRGINs".

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  4. any man looking for a virgin bride would have to break the law by marrying a 15yrs old ... EnoughSaid#

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  5. Virginity at time of marriage is overrated. Yes, I just said it and I'm sure I'll get cursed by some.

    There are more important qualities I would advise my sons to look for in a future bride - ambitious, God-fearing, honesty, humility, health-conscious being some of them

    Instead of telling girls that they should 'keep' their virginity for their husbands, more emphasis should be placed on sexual health education - and the responsibility that come with having sex.

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  6. Virginity, ideally should be a personal matter.

    The advantage of virginity in marriage is that the virgin wife and virgin husband both experience sex for the first time between themselves.

    After that virginity don end, and they have joined the long list of non virgins the world over.

    It does not guarantee anything though but its preferable in religious and moral terms.

    By virgin I mean a man or woman, who has never had sexual intercourse not a woman who have been heavily masturbating, indulging in oral sex or having anal sex etc..just to sustain the hymen.Nor a man who has been heavily masturbating or sticking his genitals into dolls, animals or apple pies.

    Just saying o

    Mena
    http://efemenaoreoluwa.blogspot.com/2011/04/this-is-true-story-about-two-friends.html

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  7. Speaking for myself I have no interest whatsoever in virginty. I mean they aren't going to be experienced, it is likely to be a painful process for them and to be honest, I find men who do want virgins to be a bit dubious.

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  8. "(since we've been socialized to believe that while women are supposed to be chaste and keep themselves, men are allowed to be slores. To which i reply- then who are they supposed be slutting it up with?" LOL

    Guys who are hell bent on marrying virgins are doing so because they prefer 'tear rubber' (new item) to 'tokunbo' (2nd hand or used item). Virginity used to be the in-thing in the olden days. But now, guys prefer to marry someone with some years of experience rather than 'freshers' that you will have to 'teach' the nitty-gritty of being an active participant during the 'show'. I have a friend who sent his girl friend away because she was virgin at 26. He said he was not sure if his 'furniture' will not be too big for the 'room' or vice versa.

    As for reserving some issues or chores till you are married, I think men would prefer those things like cooking, cleaning the house etc be done during the period of boy friend / girl friend stage so as to be sure the girl actually knows how to cook or take care of house.

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  9. Thanks for the feedback all- especially the gentlemen

    @Naijamum- well im certainly not cursing u lol. And i agree 100% about education. Especially in this day and age where its nothing to hear that a preteen is pregnant or has an sti/std

    @Surprise- i'm not completely forgoing the cooking and cleaning, but im not making a daily habit of it either for a boyfriend! And I don't buy that "he wants to know if i can cook/clean" bit at all lol. Because if thats all he really wanted then he can come to my apartment and have a look around for himself. The cooking i can understand because not everyone likes/prepares the same foods the same way. But cleaning. come on, i shouldn't have to clean up his crap to prove that i can keep house. I've lived on my own for 5 years and my place has always been pretty together and i've not missed any meals so that should be proof enough on its own lol.

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  10. Actually, i know a couple of guys who balk at getting it on with virgins. One of them is downright freaked out lol. I've noticed that the guys that insist on virgins are usually the most promiscuous. And no, dear boyfriend, please don't expect any domestic chores (even cooking) from me cause you'll be disappointed

    Adiya

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