Originally posted February 24 2011
I just happened to stumble upon this blog [blog has since been deleted] about one naija woman whose husband cheated on her. I guess she took to blogging to let off some steam. It was actually a very interesting read. While i have been cheated on in the past (once, maybe twice- first time was never substantiated and the second time resulted in the relationship being terminated post haste), that was just a regular relationship, not in a marriage (not that it doesn't hurt, i just imagine it hurts more after vows have been taken).
I've always had this philosophy that if you can't forgive and forget, then you should just end the relationship and move on. To some that seems very harsh and very hasty- cowardly even, but hear me out. If your partner cheats on you, you are going to lose trust in them. Once that trust is lost, you will become a freakin maniac. Checkin their phone, checkin their facebook, wondering if every time he runs to the store he's really out gettin a quickie with some next chick (can you tell i've been here before?!? lol). Even if he never cheats on you again or even gives any hints that he's thinking of doing so, you'll never be able to get the thought out of your head. (Well thats how i imagine it would be for me at least)
In short it will be pure hell, and not just for you. Do you think your mate is going to want to have to deal with this crap day in and day out (granted, they wouldn't have to deal with it had they kept it in their pants from the get go, but i digress) after you've supposedly forgiven them? No one wants to hear the same argument over and over again if its supposed to be resolved. If you can't forgive them, you're probably never going to let up. And even if you don't constantly bring it up, if you haven't forgiven them its bound to come up again at some point.
So i say pick up and move on. But after reading that blog, I can also see how much more complicated it can be. I know for myself that I am not a very forgiving person. And even if I pretend im not phased, its still always going to be in the back of my mind. That shit aint healthy at all, and I dont think that I nor the "transgressor" deserves to have to go through such hell. Hence, my thinking you should move on. Real talk: more power to those people who are able to forgive their partner's indiscretions. I don't think I have it in me. Hopefully i won't ever have to find out