Let me start by saying that this post is inspired by a plethora of different shows, radio programs, and commentary that i've been hearing over the past few months.
The big question proposed is "why can't black women find a [good] man?"
A lot of the things i hear in response of course are we're too strong(on that independent women, i don't need no man mentality), we're too bossy, were too ghetto, our standards are too high, blah blah blah. The one that always always ALWAYS sticks out to me are that our standards are too high. Says who???
Why should we (and that includes any set of women) have to lower our standards to get a man? Why can't men step their game up? Now, i can understand if you insist that your man be 6'2, broad shouldered, skin the color of dark chocolate, a smile that can melt an iceberg, be CEO of a Fortune500 company, live in a beautiful mansion on a hill and have a different car for everyday of the week... then yes, you do need to get your @$$ off your shoulders and take a sip of some reality-juice because you're standards are way too high-- unless of course you have all those things too (like Lyfe Jennings says, "don't be a nickel out here lookin for a dime").
But the average woman (and sometimes even a woman who does have all those things) isn't looking for all of that. Most women are looking for someone that will love, honor, and respect them. Someone who loves God, loves his mama, and will appreciate and give of himself fully to his wife and family. Now that doesn't seem like too much to me.
Now having said all of that, I will say that yes sometimes, even the average woman has some things that are just ridiculous when it comes to standards and it is those superfluous attributes that we judge men on that will keep up from getting a good one. We all have (or will for the youngin's) fallen victim at some point in life, whether we realize it or not. I know i got a couple of those "if i woulda known the boy next door woulda been you..." situations in my life lol. But i digress.
Also, i will say that we as black women, particularly African-American women, need to be a bit more open in whom we consider candidates for relationships. I feel like a lot of us have tunnel vision when it comes to dating. All we see a possibilities are black (more specifically african-american) men. While im not the biggest fan of interracial dating (only because I've never even really encountered any non-black people on a large scale until i went to college) but its time to wake up and realize that a lot of black men aren't waiting around for their "nubian queen" anymore. Being open to interracial and heck even inter-cultural relationships is something i think needs to be brought to the forefront of our minds. And i mention inter-cutltural because i know quite a few black women whom have never even interacted with non-american black men (african, caribbean, blah blah blah) let alone considered dating them. Let's face it ladies, the pickings are mighty slim for settling down with a black man. Between the ones in jail, jobless, gangsters/thugs/street pharmacists, only interested in dating white/latina women, or gay- either on the DL or flaming (how u doin! lol), we don't have a lot to chose from!
But there are still plenty of good ones out there. I know im trying to get me one! ;)
Just a little clip i found-